No Empty Chairs: Left Out

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Left Out

I just got back from taking Emily and Hayley to a cheerleading clinic at the high school. As I looked around the gym at all the little boys that would be around Wyatt's age it just breaks my heart. I thought of all of these boys that will be trying out for the basketball team or the football team or other clubs and my Wyatt won't be a part of that. It's hard feeling like Wyatt is being left out on so many experiences. I guess I'm just having one of those days when I miss being with my little boy more than most.
These pictures were taken at Valentines time about 1 month before Wyatt passed away. It's some of the only pictures of me with Wyatt and Derek and I with Wyatt. I'm so grateful for them.

9 comments:

Jill said...: I have never seen those pictures before. He has the sweetest face! I know it may not help much but when I read this post I couldn't help but think of all the things Wyatt is doing right now (not that we know). I know the Lord is keeping him busy doing important things we can't even comprehend. Kinda makes me feel like I'm "missing out." :) I love you Andrea! Keep trudging through those tough days!; September 3, 2008 at 9:19 PM
Linda Pickles said...: Hang in there, Andrea. You're staying busy and that is good. We love you dearly and pray for you and your family always. I loved Jill's comment of "trudging through tough days." Trudging is a good word--it's not easy, but it is still going forward--and that is the goal.
Feel my arms around you.

Love,
Aunt Linda; September 4, 2008 at 10:36 AM
Gedge's said...: Andrea,
You are not alone. I , too, experience those sad moments. I wish things were different for both of us.

Love,
Julie; September 4, 2008 at 10:49 AM
Em said...: I stumbled upon your blog through the blogging world through Megan. We are in the process of adopting, and she is friends with some of our friends that have already adopted.I love to read her words. They are balm to my aching soul. I love your pictures of Wyatt and your family. I am sad you can not be there for Saturday, but we will do our best to honor sweet Wyatt and send some pictures your way!!
Heart hugs,
Emily; September 4, 2008 at 1:36 PM
Leanne said...: I agree with Jill, but it doesn't change the fact that you still ache for him, and want to watch him participate in all the activities. I read this post last night, and was heartbroken because I sat there next to you at the cheerleading clinic with Brig in my lap. I wanted to comment last night, but was lost for words, what could I say?-absolutely nothing, other than I am so sorry, and I hope to be of any help, sometimes that is not always the case I know when Brig is a constant reminder of what you have lost. I have to comment though about your sweet Haley, she was just adorable, oh I can't get over how fun she was to watch, and she has such a reverence that is undescribeable, truly a special daughter of god. You are the BEST!!!; September 4, 2008 at 1:49 PM
Natalie said...: Those are precious pictures. I'm sorry for those days and I know those days will always be there. I just want you to know, I love you!; September 4, 2008 at 7:34 PM
Molly Bice-Jackson said...: I came to your blog this morning from the angel children blog. Again, my heart breaks over and over for all of us who have lost our dear children. I see that Wyatt's birthday is approaching soon. I will say a special prayer for you on Sept. 21st. What an absolute doll. I can't tell if you live here in Utah or not, but if you do, I would love to get together sometime. I have found another mom who lost her daughter in January and it is so wonderful to be with someone who understands. God bless you!!!!!

Molly Jackson
jacksonparkcity.blogspot.com; September 5, 2008 at 11:10 AM
Leslie said...: i found your blog through marc and megans.
i just wanted to say, i am so sorry.
wyatt is just beautiful.
my husband actually passed away about nine months ago. we were trying to have another baby and the name that my husband had most recently talked about for a boy was the name 'wyatt'. so, seeing your little boy's name brought back that memory.
i am so sorry for your loss.; September 5, 2008 at 7:16 PM
Parker's Mom said...: I just found your blog through a friend. I am a mother to an angel, too. I hope you don't mind me reading about your beautiful son. Thank you for sharing his story. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

-Jenny
www.parkerdaniel.blogspot.com; September 6, 2008 at 11:23 PM

Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, "For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand." (D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord."
Russell M. Nelson

President John Taylor once said: "that the best explanation he could offer why so many little children among the Saints were called away, notwithstanding the great faith and power of the priesthood exercised to keep them here, was that they were bright and noble spirits who held important positions in the kingdom of God in the spirit world, from which they could not long be spared., They were given brief furloughs, long enough to come to earth, take upon themselves bodies of flesh and bone that they might be prepared for a resurrection to a kingdom of glory; and after a short experience in mortality were called back to resume important labors in a higher sphere."

Joseph F. Smith said:
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ' You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volume of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Orson F. Whitney said:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering , toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and mother in heaven. "

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Left Out

9 comments:

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