I find myself relying on the "eternal perspective" of things everyday. Before Wyatt died I would think of eternal things but not nearly as much as I do now. I really don't think a day goes by without me thinking about what really matters in the grand scale of things. There is comfort in this for me. I have relied on the hope of the resurrection everyday since Wyatt died as you can tell by many of my posts. I can envision that day in my mind and how glorious it will be. I feel like a broken record but it's what helps me make it through this difficult time.
I have had some real ups and downs the last few days. It's part of the grief roller coaster that I'm on. There are times that I just have to not think or feel. It's my only way to survive and then when I have a moment to think and feel the flood gates open and I have to release the sorrow and grief that's inside me. It's very hard!
When we went to the cemetery for Wyatt's burial the man from the mortuary let me spend a few moments alone with my Wyatt inside the hearse. He took the top off of his coffin so I could spend a few moments with my baby. It was one of those sweet tender mercies I received that week. One I had not expected. I had a moment by myself to say my goodbyes to my baby. I took a picture in my mind of him and what he looked like. I told him how much I will miss him and how much I love him. I then told him how much I will be looking forward to having him again on resurrection morning. I gave him my last kiss until that glorious day. It was a sweet moment I will never forget. So when grief takes over and I'm in one of those dark moments I close my eyes and envision the last picture in my mind of Wyatt in the hearse and think of the joy and happiness I will feel resurrection morning when he is alive again and in my arms. The spirit then comforts me and lets me know that this indeed will happen and it will be more glorious than I can even imagine. I then grasp hold of the "eternal perspective" of things and realize what's important in my life right now.
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4 comments:
It is so hard to read your words while that beautiful music is playing. Reading your blog always makes me feel so sad, yet feel the Spirit at the same time. I can't imagine your how your heart aches. When I was 16, my boyfriend was killed on his way to my house. His family involved me with ALL funeral arrangements. I saw his mother see him in the coffin for the first time. It was the first time she had seen him since his death. Her weeping over her dead son is a vision I will NEVER forget! What a tender scene that must have been. To see you say your last goodbyes to your special son in the hearse. I have no words of comfort other than you are loved.
Eileen
I too this of the eternal perspective more since Wyatt passee. Your blog helps me do that and so does your sweet testimony every time I see you or read it. What a sweet memory to have, thank you for sharing your pearls with everyone. I want you to know how special it is for me to hear what happened since I wasn't there with you. Thank you and I love you.
I had a sweet quiet tender mercy and I will share it with you in an email. The pain is hard hear on the earth but our reward will be from on high in heaven. I look forward to that day for both of us and all those who have lost a loved one.
Thank you for sharing such intimate moments. Scott and I too where blessed with alone time in the car looking at Hope's sweet body before the PallBears opened the door to take her little casket to where it would lay. That was probably a very much needed private moment that Scott and I were given to share together.
Heart Hugs,
Carolyn
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