Monday, May 12, 2008

In memory of Wyatt

I've decided to dedicate this blog to Wyatt. I've been inspired by my nieces friend who lost her son a couple of years ago and now has a blog to express her feelings. I'm mostly doing this for me to be able to express how I'm feeling during this difficult time in life. Also, to record the things that Wyatt taught me in his short life on this earth and what he continues to teach me and our family. Each night before scriptures and prayer we sing our family song. As we say Wyatt's name we now ring a silver ball. It helps us remember that he is still a big part of our family. At the end of our song we say "We are a Forever Family".... "No empty Chairs". Wyatt has filled his chair and we are doing all we can to make sure we fill ours.

President Ezra Taft Benson said "God intended the family to be eternal. With all my soul, I testify to the truth of that declaration. May he bless us to strengthen our homes and the lives of each family member so that in due time we can report to our Heavenly Father in His celestial home that we are all there--father, mother, sister, brother, all who hold each other dear. Each chair
is filled. We are all back home."

Looking back to why I came up with this little song we sing each night I wanted to draw our little family closer. Now I can see that it has drawn our family closer and also helped prepare my children for Wyatt's departure from this earth. It has also helped us keep his memory alive. This is another reason I've decided to do this blog. I feel such a need to keep his memory alive. He is still such a big part of our family. How grateful I am to all the wonderful family and friends that have been so supportive to us during this time. Thank you for your prayers and concern for us. How grateful I am for Heavenly Fathers tender mercies. So many of those tender mercies have been fulfilled because of so many of you. Thank you! This picture of Wyatt was the last picture I took of him. I enjoy taking pictures especially of my babies. How grateful I am that I have so many wonderful pictures to remember my little boy by. I cherished every minute I had with him. I'm now feeling cheated that I'm not going to get to enjoy each wonderful stage of his life here on this earth but also know that I will get to hold him and raise him in the millennium. I will get to kiss his little cheeks again, hold his sweet little hand, look into his big eyes and rub his chubby little feet. How grateful I am for our Savior Jesus Christ. Because of him I now have hope that this will happen. I can't wait for the Millennium!! The last two months have been the hardest two months of my life but also the most spiritual. My heart has a big hole in it and their is a big void in my life now. A part of me has died. It is hard to get up each morning knowing that Wyatt really is gone and that I have to go through another day without him. I'm hoping that being able to write down the feelings and things I'm going through might help those that don't know what to say or how it is when someone goes through something like this. I can tell you right now that all I've wanted the past two months is a hug and maybe "how are you doing" and then a listening ear. Thank you to so many of you that have done just that. So many other people just don't know what to say they just ignore me or avoid me or act like nothing has happened to me. I'm hoping that by expressing the feeling of my heart that it might help someone else know what to say or do when a tragedy like this happens. The sorrow and mourning that I feel each day is so real. It is very painful but something I have to go through. How grateful I am for my sweet little Hayley. She has been there for me each day to just say "you miss Wyatt?" and to comfort me. She says "Wyatt is coming back to life." my daddy says. How grateful I am for Emily and Tyler. These kids are everything to me along with my sweet husband. There was a time in my life that I didn't know if I would get married. Because I had to wait so long I think I cherish my husband even more. I think that is how it is going to be when I finally get to hold Wyatt again. I can't wait until that day!


Witty said...

I love you Andrea! You are an amazing woman and mother. I know you may not feel it but you are stronger than you realize. Wyatt's memory will forever be with me, along with the memory of the hospital and witnessing you and Derek and your kids. How precious family is! Know that I'm always here for you and you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I love you!. . and precious baby Wyatt !

Elyse said...

You truly are amazing! I have learned so much from this heart has never hurt so deeply than the day I saw you at the hospital. It made me realize how much I need to treasure the relationships in my life and how precious time really is. We have such a great family! Wyatt is such a sweet little boy who now has butterfly wings!

Natalie said...

Thank you again for starting this blog! I hope you know what a stength you are to witness. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I'm sure sometimes you feel like you are alone in your grief. A mother's bond with a baby is so strong and they are so reliant on you when in the first stages of life! Your world revolves around there needs and wants. Although I can't really, truly, actually understand how hard this is I hope you know I hurt with you! That is how it is, when someone you love aches, you ache too. My sister In law told me about a poem by Robert Frost called Home Burial. The women in the poem is going through a lot of the same thoughts and feelings I'm sure you are experiencing. I want you to know that I love you and will continue to pray for you and your sweet family! Give your kids a hug for me!!

drans007 said...

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your heart and feelings with us. I am honored to know you and your family and to associate with them almost every day. You are an inspiration to everyone around you.

shannon said...

We love you and your family. Thank you for sharing. You have such an amazing testimony. I love how Heavenly Father knows each one of us and shares with us his "Tender Mercies" in our darkest hours. You are in our thoughts and prayers