My sweet friend Jen who's little boy died last October 20th e-mailed me this thought that I really liked and I wanted to share what she said "I hate when people say "move on." That implies to me that you can leave your children in the past. I like the phrase "carry on." You have to keep living, because you are alive. And it's the gift you wish your child still had. So we carry on, taking with us all that our past made us, including the memories of our children and the hope of a reunion someday." I thought that was wonderful. I'm sure there are people out there that think it's about time "I move on" or wonder why I'm still grieving-- it's been 6 months. I don't think it's something I will ever get over. I think with time I will learn how to manage the grief but it won't fully go away until he is back into my arms.There is a girl that lost her little boy 2 years ago. She (Michelle) is actually the one that inspired me to start this blog. Last night I read her resent post and it was wonderful. She is 2 years down the road and is still missing her little boy. She was getting frustrated with herself for still grieving. She was telling her sister this and her inspired sister said "it's because our spirit still knows him. Our spirits are connected and our spirits yearn to be reunited again." She then stated "I had never thought of it that way. It's our spirit that yearns to be reunited, not just our arms. Our relationships were formed far before this life, and will go far beyond after we die." I thought that was wonderful--it makes perfect sense. My spirit is yearning to be reunited with Wyatt's spirit again. Until that day I will always have a part of me missing.
So my new motto is to "carry on" not to "move on." One day at a time is all I can do right now. If you ever wonder what to do for someone that is grieving Michelle has a side bar with wonderful thoughts on "when someone you love is bereaved." Just click on her name and it will take you to her site. She has been an inspiration to me and I'm sure to so many others. I'm so grateful for her willingness to express exactly how she is feeling. It helps me know I'm not alone in the feelings I am having.
"I miss his contagious smile"
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7 comments:
OK, just to clarify--that was not my thought--it's just a thought I read, agreed with and then copied into an email. Thanks for posting for people to see and hopefully understand. You do a great job expressing your feelings--you're so brave. Thanks for everything--you know I love you! Together, we can try to Carry On.
Andrea, thank you for sharing that! I love that perspective of "carrying on"... just beautiful! You're right that it's something we won't ever 'get over.' I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too. I've had women cry with me who are twice my age and lost a child 30-40 years ago. I'm understanding now that the yearning and heartache will always be there, until we are reunited again. But, thank God (literally) for making that reunion a reality!
My thoughts are always with you...
You dont know me, but I follow your blog. I found it because Wyatt is on my best friends Blog as an angel friend. When my Father passed away, my Mother said "you never get over it, you just learn to live with it." No one ever gets over the passing on someone so close. With time you just learn to live with it and carry on. I think you are doing a great job at expressing yourself. Thanks for the spirit you bring to me, when I read your postings.
I don't think that people think that you are grieving way too long, it is just uncomfortable, because for those who have not lost a loved one(I have never lost someone really close to me besides my grandfather who I was not close to), it IS hard to know what to say because we can not say we understand, because we do not, and can not. All I can say is I think of your Wyatt everyday, I read your blog everyday, I shed a tear every day for you and your family. I cherish my moments with Brigham but feel sadness at the same time for the moments you don't have with Wyatt. I can NOT imagine the grief I would have if it were my child, because the grief I feel for your sweet Wyatt is there, I miss him. I hope this isn't too much, but I want you to know he is missed by many, although he was only 6 months, he taught me a lot, and was a huge impact on my life. I have made changes with my life because of his short time here on earth. I am so sorry you have to go through this, I read Michelle's things to do for someone who is griefing, and I can do #9.:) Not just your hair, but when we are at the spa, you are getting a pedicure from me:)!!!
I hope you know how often I think of you and Wyatt. I think you are an amazing example of how to faithfully "carry on" and grieve in such a healthy way. Of course a part of you is and will be missing, but what a precious part!! I love those pictures. He had such a happy smile. Allen still brags about how Wyatt would smile at him more than me. ha ha. It was still just fun to see it. Such a cutie Andrea! I love you!
Andrea,
I have missed you--I just have a brief moment with a computer, and no email yet, but I have enjoyed catching up on all your posts. I thought about you yesterday. Our anniversaries are coming too fast for me.
I have so much to talk to you about--I hope to be "online" soon.
Thanks for this beautiful message today. I needed to read it.
Andrea, thank you for the wonderful tribute in this post. You will find that you too are an inspiration to everyone you know too. It's the gift that Heavenly Father gives us, but the price we have to pay is high. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Don't be too hard on yourself. 6 months is still the beginning stages of grief. Treat yourself kindly. Go get a pedicure or something and get pampered. That's what I did on my really hard days. We deserve it, you are going through the hardest days of your life. Carry on and one day you will be able to look back and say, "I don't know how I got through that, but I did and I am stronger and a better instrument in God's hands because of what I have accomplished." I love wyatt's handsome face. He's got the most beautiful eyes. Much love.
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