Amazed

Wow, I'm completely touched by what I just came across. A couple of days ago I e-mailed this amazingly talented lady that makes digital scrapbook kits. I found her site(Summertime designs) and fell in love with the stuff she comes up with. She makes the cutest stuff and then gives it away for free. Well, I decided to e-mail her about how she does her scrapbooks because I want to learn how to do digital scrapbooking instead of what I've done in the past. She we so very helpful and gave me all the information I needed. I guess I had put the link to this blog at the end of the e-mail and she went to it and started reading. Well, tonight I had a second between games with family so I went to her site just to see if she had posted a new kit. I was completely shocked and touched that she made a butterfly kit dedicated to me and Wyatt. It's absolutely adorable!! Click here to enter her site and her post. What a tender mercy for me...seriously, there are such GOOD people in this world. So grateful I get to be touched by these amazing earth angels that I've never met but have done such sweet things for me. Thank you Summer! I absolutely LOVE this kit and can't wait to use it. Maybe I will be making a scrapbook with Wyatt's pictures using this kit. Thank you Summer for the "Wyatt moment" today. Can't even express how much it touched my heart.

Christmas Tree

Here are some pictures of our Christmas tree this year. Wyatt was with me when I bought the big snowflakes and some of the other stuff. I'm so grateful for the memory of shopping with him that night in January 2 years ago. So grateful for each and every memory I have with my little boy. Whenever I look at the snowflakes I think of that night with Wyatt and my cousin.

Thank you everyone for the sweet comments. Grief can be such a hard thing to have to go through but it sure helps when you have supportive people to help.

I love the smell of fresh pine. We have artificial trees so we don't get to have that fragrance in our home during Christmas but this year the company that Derek gets his insulation from gave us this fresh pine wreath. I LOVED having that smell in our house during the holiday season. It just made things even more festive for me.

My Grandma's chair...love this chair and the memories it brings to me.

Missing him

Nothing new...just missing him. It's amazing to me how it can hit me and hit me so hard. I have moments when I think I just might make it through this and then the grief hits me and I'm left crying like it was the day he left us. It's just plain hard this roller coaster of emotions that I'm sentenced to. I feel like I'm saying the same stuff over and over again...which I am. That is the world of grief...and it's no fun!

This Christmas season has been a good one for the most part. We have had many good and memorable moments as a family and I really enjoyed things I didn't think I ever would again but it has hit me the last couple of days and my arms just ache...ache to have my Wyatt here with me. I just miss him and there is nothing that can be done. I wish so badly I didn't have to know this pain, this longing and this ache. It's truly the worst! I have many pictures to post and many memorable moments to add but for tonight I just want to add a couple of pictures of him because I MISS him! Love you Wyatt!

Christmas two years ago.

Wyatt as baby Jesus.

Random picture Tyler took.

Beautiful/ Tender Mercies/Longing

Note: Trying to catch up on the past few weeks...here are a few posts. I have so much more to do....
Beautiful is a perfect word for this ornament we received yesterday. The picture just doesn't do it justice to how incredible it truly is. It's made of thick glass and is heavy and is such a beautiful blue color. What makes it even more amazing is the person that gave it to us. Someone we don't know but that has been reading the blog for a year. She e-mailed me last week and told me that she had seen this ornament a few weeks ago and thought of our Wyatt but didn't buy it. She passed by it again a week later and just felt like she needed to buy it for Wyatt's tree. Words truly can't express the gratitude in my heart for such thoughtfulness in our behalf. Truly amazing. So grateful for the tender mercies that continue to come into our life and for the evidence that there are some amazing people in this world. Thank you Michelle. It will be cherished always. It's simply BEAUTIFUL!

Again, these pictures just don't do it justice to how truly beautiful it is.

We received this beautiful butterfly in the mail yesterday as well. Actually two of them to put on Wyatt's tree. It's from the heart group we are a part of which makes it that much more special to us. We will never forget the heart walk and releasing those beautiful butterflies in September and the great experience we had that day. We will always cherish these sweet butterflies for Wyatt's tree as well.

I will be forever grateful for our "Wyatt moments" with butterflies. I have not even scratched the surface with telling about the many, many "Wyatt moments" I've had. I do believe in tender mercies and if we are willing to look for them they will be given to us. I don't believe in mere coincidences...I believe there is purposes in all things. There are times when I will actually pray for those moments to happen when I need them most and usually my prayers are answered in some way...if I'm looking for it. Michael McLean has written a song about "Tender Mercies." It's a beautiful song that speaks great truths on the matter. I love Elder Bednar's talk about tender mercies as well. Along with butterflies I continue to have shooting star moments. Besides the butterflies and shooting star moments I've had other moments that continue to show me evidence that I have a loving Heavenly Father that watches over me. I also know that I have an amazing angel boy that wants his mom to know how much he loves her and continues to be by her side. I feel so blessed each and every time I experience a tender mercy that brings heaven and earth together.

Though I'm extremely grateful for these moments because they truly help me I continue to know first hand how hard and challenging life can be. I'm trying to learn how to cherish those simple things in life and seize each moment for what it is.

I also continue to ache for Wyatt. That longing for him to be physically in my life I believe will never go away and why should it? I will be a 90 year old women aching to hold my little boy again(I sure hope I don't live to be that old) but that's a whole other topic. Not being able to buy him gifts this Christmas and write his name on the name tags was especially hard this year. I shed tears as I wrapped presents knowing I wouldn't be wrapping any for him. Though we were able to do something nice for someone else in his name it's still difficult and I don't see that changing too much as the years go by. There is not a day that goes by where Wyatt is not in our thoughts. Our arms continue to ache for him day after day. We long for the day when our arms are filled and we get to experience his sweet smile again. It will be glorious! We miss him, love him and cherish the memories we had with him.

Tyler's birthday

Tyler had his birthday a few weeks ago and it was great. We are still in shock that we have a teenager now but love watching him grow up as an amazing young man of faith, love and integrity. He is one of the hardest workers I know and we are so proud of all the many things he is accomplishing in his life. He is unbelievably responsible which makes my job as a mother sooooo easy.



He does miss his little brother beyond anything in this world and has had to go through some hard moments of grief lately. He prayed so hard for a little brother and then to have him taken so suddenly it's just plain hard. His arms ache, as do all of ours, to hold his brother again. I think what he misses most is not being able to watch him grow up and teach him all those things that an older brother gets to teach his younger brother. I believe Wyatt is with Tyler and by his side as he continues to mourn over him. As a parent it is hard watching your child go through the process of grief. I know all too well that pain and I just want to take it away for him but I can't. I think I'm learning a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father must feel as he watches us go through this mortal life.



We love our Tyler and marvel at the intelligence he posses and the many talents he has been blessed with. But most of all we are so grateful he is a part of our family and look forward to seeing what he becomes as he continues to grow up. We love you Tyler!


This is the toy Tyler put in Wyatt's casket. Tyler had hinted to me that he would like one to remember Wyatt by so I got this for his birthday. Wyatt loved this toy. He got it for Christmas from Santa the year he was with us. We would hook it to his car seat and to his little play pad on the ground. He had learned how to hit the buttons so the lights would flash and the music would play. I was grateful Walmart still carried it. It was not easy for me to go into that toy section. I've avoided that since Wyatt's death...just too hard to see all the fun new toys that we will not be buying for our boy. I cried as I pushed the buttons and heard the songs. Oh, how that can bring back so many memories. Tyler would sit by him in the van and push the buttons to entertain him while we would drive places. Oh, how we miss hearing that. I think Tyler will cherish this all his life even though it's a hard reminder of what isn't here anymore.



The toy Hayley put in Wyatt's casket is one that I think Emily got as a baby and I don't think we will ever find it but I'm grateful we have found all the others to remember Wyatt by. As I write this it still seems beyond real that we put his toys into a casket...seriously? UNREAL.

We took Tyler to lunch and dinner...what else could a 13 year old boy want? I think he had a great day and it was fun celebrating it with him.

Tyler's Triathlon

The day before Thanksgiving Tyler completed his first triathlon at school. We were so proud of him for having the desire to enter it and then taking the time to train for it. He did really well and placed 10th out of a lot of boys. Way to go Tyler!

Swimming

Biking...what pretty scenery. We feel so blessed to live in such beautiful country.

Running

Christmas Card

Sorry, kind of blurry and not straight...it's a picture of a picture.

Here is our Christmas card this year. We wanted to wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas from our family. We are so grateful this year for the amazing people in our life. We feel so blessed to have such great support from so many great people like you.

Again this year we are overwhelmed with gratitude for our Savior and the gifts he has given us. Especially, the resurrection and eternal life. We are so grateful for that knowledge and look forward to that day when Wyatt is in our arms again. Merry Christmas!

Celestial butterfly

I have so much to blog about but not enough time. I'm trying to enjoy this season as much as possible. Lots of Christmas stories, movies, music, hot chocolate and driving around to see all the beautiful Christmas lights. I will have to say it has been a little easier this year than last but there is still that void that I believe will always be there. We miss our Wyatt. We look forward to the day when we will have Christmas again physically with him.

I wanted to quickly share the newest addition to Wyatt's tree. My sweet friend Robyn sent it to me. It's absolutely beautiful, celestial and perfect! I love the color white. It's truly a celestial color. This celestial butterfly fits perfectly on Wyatt's tree and reminds me of what I want to achieve so I can be with Wyatt again someday. Thank you Robyn.

My heart is also full for the kindness of "someone that cares." Words truly can not express the gratitude in my heart and Derek's heart. THANK YOU, thank you for the tender mercy! You will never know how much that meant to us! There ARE amazing people in this world!

We are also grateful for the opportunity Wyatt has given us to do something nice for someone else each Christmas in memory of his life. I feel like we were lead to that person this year. It's been a neat experience. Grateful for this time of year.

The Tree of Love

Wyatt's hat he wore on his first and last Christmas on this earth. I cried many tears last year as I found it and I cried many more this year. I think that will be how it is each year as I put it a top his tree.

I really struggle when words just don't seem to adequately express my feelings. My heart is full of love and gratitude when I go into Wyatt's room and look at this tree and all the beautiful ornaments that so many of you sent us. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank each and everyone that has contributed to this amazing tree of love. That is what I call it because it radiates LOVE. Love from so many incredible people in my life and in my families life. THANK YOU! As the girls and I put on each ornament we reflected on the person that had given it to us. Tears came to my eyes as I thought of each of you and the gift you have given us. I feel so blessed to know that each year as Christmas time rolls around I will be able to put up this amazing tree of LOVE and think of each and everyone of you that contributed to it. Along with all the tender mercies that I've received from so many of you. I have added a few pictures of the ornaments I received after Christmas last year. Again, words truly can't express the love in my heart for the sacrifice that so many of you made to add an ornament to Wyatt's tree. "The Tree of Love."
My friend Julie sent me this ornament last March. I had searched and searched all last Christmas and after Christmas trying to find the perfect ornament that expressed the love between Wyatt and me. I never found it but I believed it was out there somewhere and some day I would find it. Well, when I opened this gift from my friend, tears rolled down my face because it was the ornament that I was looking for. It was the perfect representation of the love Wyatt and I have for each other. It was the newest ornament from the willow tree collection and had just come out in March. No wonder I didn't find it. I truly believe Heavenly Father gives us tender mercies like these. I feel like this entire tree is a tender mercy to bless my life and my families life each year as we continue to miss and ache for Wyatt.

The butterfly Emily found this fall. Emily suggested we put it on the tree. Love those tender mercies in my life.