Away

I just got back from spending 4 days in Oceanside, California with some of those "seen angels" I referred to on my previous post. It was wonderful and something I needed--to spend some time with people that care and truly know how to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. I was able to laugh more than I have in a long time but I was also able to cry and have these sweet women cry with me and listen with love to what I had to say. How grateful I am for all of the people Heavenly Father has placed into my life to help me through this trial. Thank you to everyone out there that has touched my life for good. I feel like this trip was rejuvenating and something I needed. I learned so much from these wonderful women. I feel like I will be a better wife and mother because of what I have learned from them.
Each time I go somewhere or do something that I wouldn't have been doing if Wyatt were here I feel a sense of guilt or a sense of wishing I wasn't doing it because that would mean Wyatt was still in my life(if that makes sense). A week after Wyatt's funeral we went as a family to California. My sweet Emily pointed out to me a few times during that trip that if Wyatt hadn't died we wouldn't be there. She was so right. We wouldn't have. Derek and I wouldn't have gone to Maui if Wyatt hadn't have died and I wouldn't have spent a week with friends in California. I'm grateful for all of these experiences that have truly helped me on the path of healing but on the other hand I wish so bad I wouldn't have had the opportunity to go because Wyatt was still in my life. I would do anything to have him back. Hopefully that makes some sense.
On a side note....while in California we were able to see the anger and hatred of those opposed to proposition 8. We were in Beverly Hills at a stop light when a group of very angry people marched right in front of us. Yelling and screaming about what they felt was right. They were mad that proposition 8 had passed. There were police everywhere. I saw one man stick up for what he thought was right which was opposite from what these people thought --they attacked him verbally. I was concerned they might attack him physically as well. You could visibly see the anger in their eyes. I was so impressed with this man that he would stick up all by himself for what he believed in, with a mob of angry people yelling and swearing at him. It was eye opening to see such passion, anger and hatred toward a perfect stranger. I know there have been many LDS members in California having to experience this anger and hatred first hand. We are living in challenging times...the second coming doesn't seem as far off to me after witnessing that. Which for me means I will be with my Wyatt sooner rather than later.(yes, I have a distorted view now--I do not fear the second coming....I want it to come quickly)