"Today"

"Oh, mom please take this stupid hat off of me!"
Those are the words probably going through Wyatt's head at the time of these
picture. These pictures make me laugh. Ok ,that might seem weird but he is just
so cute when he cries. Maybe I got this from my niece Jill that loves to see
babies cry. Anyway I'm grateful I have pictures of him crying. By the way I did
take the hat off and cuddled him after taking these pictures. Oh, I miss that!

It seems like when I recognize the tender mercies in my life and I'm grateful for all of those things --that's when it gets hard again. It's such a vicious cycle. Yesterday was a challenging day. Sundays are hard--you would think they would be the best day of the week for me but they aren't. Yesterday also was the 4 month marker since Wyatt died. Those little mile stones can be bitter sweet. On one hand it's been 4 of the hardest months of my life and my arms still continue to ache to hold my Wyatt. But it also means I'm that much closer to being with him again. That might sound strange to some of you but when you are missing something so bad that every fiber of your being aches to have it again-- each day means you are that much closer.

There is a quote I love and I read it most days. It's by Orson F. Whitney, he said:

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It
ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience,
faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure,
especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our
hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy
to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering , toil
and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and
which will make us more like our Father and mother in heaven. "

This quote gives me great comfort and knowledge. I am so grateful for it. But there are days I don't really appreciate it like I should. Those days I wish I didn't have to learn all of these things. I start having my pity parties and wonder why me? That's when I have to tell myself why not me? I'm not immune to this --none of us are. It is what I've been asked to go through and I had better learn everything I'm suppose to learn. Then and only then will I be able to be what my Heavenly Father wants me to be. This is why we are here to learn and grow and show our complete devotion to a loving Heavenly Father.

I look back in the last 4 months and I see how much I have changed. Someways good and someways not so good. I have learned so much and continue to learn each day.

I love the last part of the song "Who'd you be today?" it says: "The only thing that gives me hope is... I know, I will see you again someday."

What a wonderful day that will be my sweet Wyatt!