"Life"

I wanted to thank so many of you that have been there for me the past 4 1/2 months. Thanks for listening to me and crying with me and comforting me. If it's been via e-mail, in person, on the phone, a card or just taking the time to read this blog-- thank you. So, please know the gratitude I feel to so many of you.

We just got home from over a week of many fun activities. The past two days we were at Cherry Hill water park. While at Cherry Hill I got the chance to spend a little time in the lazy river with my niece Amanda. Thank you Mands for talking and listening and being so great to me. We got talking about life and how things don't always work out how we think they should. My life is completely different than I had planned. Heavenly father has had a different plan for me.

Growing up all I ever wanted when I got old was to get married and have kids. I had no desire to get a career and go to college. I hoped I would just get married after high school to my prince charming and we would have many beautiful and wonderful children. Well ,that didn't really happened for me(at least the getting married right after high school part). After high school I went to college just to get the general classes done hoping I wouldn't have to choose a major. I dated and dated and hoped and hoped but prince charming didn't come. I had to a choose a major and went through the Radiology program for 2 years and then worked for a Dr. for another year or two. I was now considered and old maid in Utah County because I was 24 years old. It was a difficult time for me because the only thing I ever wanted was to be married and have kids. Finally, prince charming came into my life even though I had known him most of my life. (He was one of my brothers best friends.) Why did we have to wait so long to get married when we could have gotten together so much earlier? I don't know the reason for that but I do know I have greater compassion for those that are single, I learned many things during that time, my testimony grew and I truly cherish my husband more. I learned that Heavenly Fathers timetable is so much different than mine.

The second part of my dream growing up was to be a mom. That has not been an easy thing for me. I've now spent over 2 years of throwing up to get these children here. I've had two miscarriages which were very difficult and hard to accept and now losing my sweet Wyatt is beyond anything I thought would happen to me. This life is just so much harder than I ever pictured or dreamed of. That is when I have to put my trust in my Heavenly Fathers hands and know that he has a greater plan for my life than what I think it should be. He knows those things that will help me grow and learn. And even though some of these things are beyond what I think I could even handle he sends people into my life to help me make it through. How grateful I am to so many of you. How grateful I am for the Internet and the people I have met through it. I don't know what I would have done without having the support from some that truly know what it's like to lose a child.

A year ago I never thought I would be where I'm at right now. It was not a part of my plan and my dream for my Wyatt. Each day is a struggle to not have him with me. He is on my mind 24/7 just like he was with me 24/7 as I took care of him. It's hard to do those everyday things without having him there to experience them with me.

2 Nephi 2:24 states: "all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things." Heavenly Father is the one that knows all things. Present, future and past. He has greater understanding and can see things better than we can. As a loving Heavenly Father he will help us through the trials and difficulties of life. His plan will be the best plan because he has so much more knowledge than we have. And in the end it will all be worth it. We will be able to live forever without sickness, disease, pain, sorrow and grief. And for me I will have my Wyatt, my husband, my kids and all of the loved ones in my life. That is what ultimately matters in life.

Here are a few pictures of some of those loved ones at Cherry Hill.