A year ago during our spring break was the week Wyatt died. When I hear the words "spring break" I get a sick feeling inside because of all the memories of a year ago. Emily still comments on how Wyatt ruined our spring break. This year I wanted to try and make it a fun and memorable one since the last one wasn't at all what we had planned. So we filled up the days with lots of activities such as hiking, biking, camping, swimming, we went to movies and out to eat a few times. There were butterflies with us on all the hiking and biking excursions. Which was a tender mercy for me. I think it was a fun and enjoyable week for me, Derek and the kids. But the fun has to end and life has to continue on. It was hard for me this past week to get back into the regular schedule without the kids around. I love having them with me. I had grief hit me again with full force and it literally knocked me down. It was like the first few months. I miss my Wyatt and I miss the life I had before he died. Luckily the grief doesn't stay as long as it use to but I'm often reminded that it's still there. The emotions if not let out will build up and they have to eventually get out. A week of spring break with not too much thinking or feeling caught up to me. How do you get over a loss such as this? You don't. You learn to cope and deal with it. Then there are days like this past week that you feel like you are back to day one and starting all over. It's almost like I tripped and fell down the mountain that I've been climbing and working so hard to get to the top of and now I have to pick myself up again and try to keep climbing. That mountain seems to be such a steep, steep one and on those days of grief it seems unbearable. But now that I've been climbing that mountain for 12 months at least I know what to expect and in a way that is helpful. This week I had to turn to those mom's that know what this is all about and they gave me the hope and encouragement I needed. How grateful I am for them.
On Friday Tyler attended his second District Geography Bee. He took second place at his school and was able to move onto district. I'm so proud of him. He studied so hard and did it all by himself. Tyler would get up each morning around 5:30am to practice world geography which was the emphasis this year. He worked so hard to learn so much information. He ended up making it to the final round and took second place. The final round is "current events" which is something you can't really study for and since we don't watch the news he had a disadvantage. He got the first 2 questions right but the third he didn't know. I was so proud of my boy and how hard he has worked to achieve this accomplishment. I'm especially at awe with what he accomplished a year ago. The school geography bee was the week after spring break. Which means it was the week after Wyatt died. As we were planning for Wyatt's funeral the most logical time was the day of the geography bee. We couldn't not let Tyler participate in this because he had studied so hard. That is what he had been doing for months and practiced at the hospital while waiting to know what would happen with Wyatt. So, we decided to push Wyatt's funeral back one day and let Tyler do the school Geography bee. I was amazed that he could even remember everything he had studied. I was amazed that he could do so well knowing it would be his brothers funeral the next day. He had just suffered one of the greatest losses he could experience but he nailed it and won the school bee. He then got the opportunity to go to the district geography bee and he ended up taking second place one week after Wyatt's funeral. Again the "current event's" got to him. Tyler is an amazing kid. We feel so blessed that he is a part of our life. Way to go Tyler...we are so proud of you!
After the geography bee we went to Emily's dance competition. She did such a great job. Her dance team took 1st place on each of their dances and took 1st place overall. She was nervous to dance in front of judges for the first time but she did a great job and we are so proud of her. Way to go Emily!
Here are a few pictures from these events.
2nd place at the District Geography Bee 
Zion's National Park--spring break
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7 comments:
Andrea, I'm so glad you were able to do so many fun things for spring break with your family! I'm so sorry, though, that you had to welcome the ever-present guest called "Grief" back in afterwards. It's good that you're able to recognize the strength you've found over the last year. You've already made it so far, and have done it with such grace and humility. It is a great blessing to be influenced in such positive ways by your example and friendship. Thank you so much.
I'm so glad you have support from other mom's who know exactly what you are going through. I'm sorry that the grief hits so hard. I just admire your strength to make it through each day. You are such a good mom and your kids are so lucky to have you. Love you!
Way to go Tyler! He's definately yours and Derek's son. He's such a strong kid! I'm sorry about that dang grief that won't leave you alone. I think you're doing an awesome job dealing with it, if that helps at all. You're incredible Andrea! Love you lots...and I'm quite jealous of the hiking pics...snow today. :(
Wow! You have been a busy little family! Way to go! I'm sure the kids loved every minute of it! I can't believe how cute and grown up your kids are!
You are amazing! You are such an example of strength to me! Your blog posts are some of my favorite because of what I take away from each one!
Know you are loved!
Julse
Thanks for you so wonderful comments.
I am glad that you were able to do some things as a family during Spring Break to build new memories. I know for me that first year was the absolute hardest and it didn't help that on Hope's 1st Angel Anniversary the nation had to experience all those horrific terrorist attacks . . .but as I thought about her mission it came to me that she must be of great help to those on the other side and so it helped put the Eternal part of the situation in my mind. That helped bring me much comfort on such a terrible day.
I am glad that you had Butterflies about you. I don't think I will ever look at another Butterfly without thinking of you and your sweet Wyatt.
(HUGS)
Andrea, Casson was participating in Hockey during the time Tanner was sick and his tournament was around the time of Tanner's funeral. He loved hockey and we let him play the day after Tanner died. They won a silver metal and ironically all our family was there to watch him play which was kind of nice.
I am so glad you took time out with your kids. We are in Lethbridge for this week going home tomorrow (dreading the snow) but it has been good to go out. I love those mountains. You have a beautiful family.
Love ya lots.
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