No Empty Chairs

Monday, February 2, 2009

I'm grateful for the week we had as a family in Arizona. Thank you mom and dad for spending the week with us. We had fun spending time together creating memories. I will post some pictures soon.

Today I'm missing my baby and EVERYTHING that comes from that....like everyday...nothing new! I get asked all the time is it any easier? Yes, in some ways but no in so many other ways. I'm going through a different stage of the grief and I'm not sure how to express it to those that might not understand. So, I guess that is why I haven't posted much. Maybe I will feel like posting some of my feelings later but right now I don't feel like it. Just needed to add a couple of pictures of my Wyatt.

One week old

6 comments:

Natalie said...: I'm glad you guys had fun in AZ. I would love to get out of the cold right now!

Wyatt truly is such a beautiful baby!; February 2, 2009 at 8:57 AM
Amanda Stevens said...: I'm sorry you are without Wyatt. You overcame a battle today by posting what you did and admitting your feelings. The past year may become a blurr for you in the future but it is so amazing that you are still creating so many happy memories for the children you still have. They will look back one day and question how their Mom was so strong under the loss of a child. The posts and pictures will always serve as an example of the woman that you are.; February 2, 2009 at 9:47 AM
Jill said...: I'm sure the grief was right there waiting for you when you got home, but I'm glad you enjoyed AZ. Such a peaceful baby. Love you!

Thanks so much for your call last night. Sorry I didn't call you back...I had quite the weekend. I'll call you soon!; February 2, 2009 at 12:51 PM
Linda Pickles said...: Sure was good to see you last week. You looked great! Thanks for coming to see us.
I'm still out at Stacie's and will be excited for her to come back, but they are having a wonderful time.
I appreciated your comments and insights. This life is hard!!!! But you're coping and making it one day at a time. Keep reading and hanging on. You're always in my prayers.; February 3, 2009 at 1:59 PM
New Life in Utah said...: Something that my Mom use to say to me all the time was your feelings are your own. You own them no matter what they are yours. even with the different stages that comes with all this know that so many people have loved everything that you have felt able to share. What you have been able to share up to this point has taught me an amazing amount. I feel the love of our Heavenly Father and his meaning of family every time I read you blog. You are an amazing person from everything I have read. Just own those feelings no matter what and you will get pass it all. Promise! Wyatt just looks so sweet in these pictures. I love the way he folds his hands in the first photo here. Like he is ready for family prayer, so cute!!!; February 4, 2009 at 2:03 AM
Gedge's said...: Hey, Andrea... I have been feeling the same way lately. How time heals but yet is so hard to have that less time with your little one. I am glad that you are still posting and that you will look back an be able to see how far you have come.
Thinking of you,
Julie; February 4, 2009 at 7:26 AM

Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, "For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand." (D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord."
Russell M. Nelson

President John Taylor once said: "that the best explanation he could offer why so many little children among the Saints were called away, notwithstanding the great faith and power of the priesthood exercised to keep them here, was that they were bright and noble spirits who held important positions in the kingdom of God in the spirit world, from which they could not long be spared., They were given brief furloughs, long enough to come to earth, take upon themselves bodies of flesh and bone that they might be prepared for a resurrection to a kingdom of glory; and after a short experience in mortality were called back to resume important labors in a higher sphere."

Joseph F. Smith said:
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ' You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volume of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Orson F. Whitney said:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering , toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and mother in heaven. "

Monday, February 2, 2009

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