No Empty Chairs: "Tear Soup"

Sunday, May 18, 2008

"Tear Soup"

Well, the sorrow and grief is back. All day Saturday and today I have felt the heaviness of grief. We swam most of the day Saturday but I just didn't feel like myself like I did on Friday. My sweet friend Stephanie Lyman suggested a picture book for me to read it's titled "Tear Soup". It's a great little book that describes so much of what I'm feeling and going through right now. I'm making a huge pot of tear soup right now. I didn't know I had so many tears in me. I think I have cried everyday since Wyatt died. Thank you to so many of you that have cried with me and adding to my "tear soup." I miss Wyatt so much I can't even describe it or put it into words. Every ounce of my being aches to have him back into my life. He brought such happiness and joy into my life and that is missing now. I am very grateful for Tyler, Emily and Hayley and of course my sweet, understanding and loving husband. I am blessed but that still doesn't take away the pain, sorrow and emptiness I'm feeling right now. I'm sorry this post isn't very upbeat but I just needed to let it out. I miss him too much! I've added some of my favorite pictures of Wyatt.

11 comments:

Natalie said...: I love you Andrea! I am adding to your tear soup right now. My prayers are with you. Don't be sorry for not being upbeat. You should never be sorry for how you feel. Love always!; May 18, 2008 at 7:10 PM
Jill said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; May 18, 2008 at 9:26 PM
Jill said...: I'm adding more tears for your healing soup! I love you Andrea! I cry for you and Wyatt often. I'm so glad you're not afraid to feel however you feel whenever you feel it. Keep it up! If you're mad, be mad. If you're sad, be sad. If you happy...dang it! Be happy! Don't let anyone tell you differently.; May 18, 2008 at 9:27 PM
Robyn said...: Andrea,
I am definitely adding to your tear soup with you! My heart aches for you. You are such a fun mom to let your kids skip school! You and Derek are in our prayers. And...don't ever apologize for your feelings. I love you and I am sending hugs and a listening ear through this email! (I'll call you in the morning!); May 18, 2008 at 9:44 PM
Linda said...: Ron and I have been sitting here crying while we are reading your blog. We would love to be able to give you a big hug right now. We love you!; May 18, 2008 at 9:45 PM
drans007 said...: Dear Andrea and Derek! WE LOVE YOU! I too have lost a loved one very dear to my life and remember those first months and actual years. Please know I love and honor you, for your sharing, for your incredible family, for setting an example in so many ways. Andrea, would love to share sometime with ya. Letting you know our shoulders are here anytime for you and the family with hugs, cries, and any support and love we can give. I will conclude and say this...I know angels are real, I know the power of healing and comfort. With all our love as a family to yours,
Trent and Andrea Dransfield; May 18, 2008 at 10:08 PM
jvance said...: Andrea - I am so glad you are doing this blog because it sure helps us to understand better how you are feeling. The ups and downs are so drastic right now - I hope the ups start to occur more often and that you continue to recognize tender merices and Wyatt moments. We all love you and wish we could take away your pain. I can't wait until summer starts so we can spend more time together.; May 19, 2008 at 1:38 PM
Elyse said...: I've been thinking about you all day today-I hope today went better for you. I loved the pics of the kids hiking-I can't believe how much bigger they get every time I see them. Lots of love all of us; May 19, 2008 at 9:14 PM
Amanda and Larry said...: Hey Andrea!!! I didn't get to read your blog until I got home from North Carolina on Sunday and heard Grandma Grandpa and my parents talking about it. I love reading it! I cried the whole time but it was because of the strength I have seen in you and your family during everything that happened. Your family is an amazing!! I was so blessed to be going to school down there. I am so grateful that I got to spend as much time as I did with Wyatt and your whole family. I love you guys sooo much! My testimony that Families are Forever has grown because of the faith and strength that I have seen in you. Thank you for that! I love you so much andrea!!!; May 20, 2008 at 11:49 AM
Jill said...: Me and Mands had a Wyatt moment last night. We were sitting outside Amanda's car (because she locked her keys in yet again) and a white butterfly pretty much attacked us! We thought of you and Wyatt! We love you!; May 20, 2008 at 11:59 AM
Felipe and Erika said...: I think of you everyday too:) I am so grateful for your blog too. I think that sometimes I have fallen into the category of someone who doesn't know what to say and so I don't say anything, feeling like how can I say anything if I don't know how they feel. But now I realize through talking with you that the most important thing is not what you say but just letting them know you are thinking of them and loving them. Being able to peek into your heart through your blog has touched me more than you'll ever know. I love you, think of you so often, pray for you. I am so grateful you had such a great day on Friday. Sarah calls those "love notes" from Heavenly Father. I hope I can see you soon.
ERIKA; May 20, 2008 at 10:53 PM

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Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Sunday, May 18, 2008

"Tear Soup"

11 comments:

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