Spring...Hope

I love spring. I love the flowers, the blossoms and all that spring brings. It brings joy into my heart especially after a long winter. It has not been an easy past few months for me but I'm feeling added hope and joy that rebirth of the earth can bring. To feel the warm sun on my face is wonderful and to have "Wyatt moments" again is so great.

I took a little photo walk around my yard a week or so ago. Here are some of the pictures. Now most of the blossoms have been replaced by leaves...beautiful green and purple leaves. I'm so grateful for the beauties of this earth. What a wonderful time of year. I love spring and I love Easter. Easter signifies to me HOPE.

I know I've expressed it a million times but this is what I hope for...the RESURRECTION. Because of our Savior Jesus Christ I have hope that it will happen and that I will hold my baby boy again. What a joyous time that will be.

We have started our Easter traditions we began last year. Our "Love one Another" jar is filled with love notes. We picked our secret pals tonight and the acts of service have already begun. We have started reading the scriptures that go along with Christs last week and we have begun learning and singing "I know my Redeemer Lives." We look forward to Easter morning when we can go as a family to Wyatt's grave and talk about that glorious morning when Wyatt will be resurrected and we will get to hold him again. We will talk about the gratitude we have for our Savior for making that possible. We will read our love one another notes and enjoy a picnic breakfast as we watch the sun rise. I think it will be a wonderful week. A week of HOPE.

I love the blue, blue sky in the background.

I just had to bring some of it inside. I cut off these branches and put them in a pretzel jar that my kids had just finished eating all the pretzels out of. I had seen an idea like this on one of the house idea blogs but they had a beautiful big vase...this worked fine for me because it was free. It was fun to enjoy them this past week.

I love having the garden boxes planted. Can't wait for the vegetables to come. Tyler and I planted the garden this year. We hope to have lots of tomatoes, peppers for salsa, beans, peas, beets, some lettuce and cilantro. One of the pepper plants.

And this week I don't need to buy any tulips to enjoy because I was able to cut them from my garden. Oh, the simple things of life that can bring such joy.

A sweet fellow angel mom sent me these pictures today. She said she was walking on the beach while on vacation and was thinking of her son Stephen. She decided to write his name in the sand. She took some pictures of Stephen's name and then Wyatt's name came to her mind. At first she had to remember who Wyatt was and then she said "seconds later, I was smiling as I wrote Wyatt's name in the sand." She said to me "I know this sounds out of the ordinary, but I think that Wyatt wanted this for you." How sweet! I wouldn't be surprised if Wyatt did have something to do with that. He is always letting me know how much he loves his mom. Thank you Jess for such a thoughtful and kind act. What a tender mercy for me today. I LOVE the beach and the sand and I especially love seeing Wyatt's name there. So sweet!

Tulips

I have a dear friend that has inspired me in so many ways. A little over 10 years ago she was the one that introduced me to "No Empty Chairs" and the quote from President Benson. She is such an amazing mother of 8 kids. I truly don't know how she does all she does. She has been such an inspiration to me through the years.

Last week I read one of her posts on her blog about Tulips. She had splurged at the store and bought some Tulips for $5. She had taken pictures of them and expressed the joy they had brought into her life. She said quote:

"Sometimes we need beauty as much as food to remain truly alive. Flowers really
are food for my soul."

Wow! What a beautiful statement. As I read it, it truly touched me. That's when I decided I needed that kind of food. Especially, as my soul has been aching with the memories of 2 years ago when Wyatt took his last breath. I decided I needed my own Tulips. I was determined to have my own little splurge.

I at times can be too practical. I've gone past the flower section at the store and longed to buy some flowers but never have bought them because it costs money and it's not practical... they will just die. Well after reading her post I decided I was going to splurge and I was going to buy my own tulips. I was going to let these flowers feed my soul. I saw these pink ones and grabbed them. To my surprise they were 50% off so I only had to splurge $2.50. I have to say that $2.50 splurge has been well worth it. These flowers have brought such joy and happiness in my home and life this week. I've LOVED taking pictures of them and simply just enjoying their beauty. It has brought a certain spirit into my life as well. They truly have fed my soul. I remember as a child when spring was approaching seeing the tulips coming through the snow and getting that excited feeling inside that yes winter was about over and spring was to come...my favorite time of the year next to summer. These tulips reminded me of those feelings. They have been a wonderful addition to my week this week. I love flowers and am going to make a more conscious effort in bringing them into my life so that they can continue to feed my soul. Thank you Jennifer for the inspiration and for all the other inspired things you have brought into my life.

Here are just a few of the pictures I took this week....I'm sure I will be taking more until they are gone.

Simply beautiful!

I came across this quote a few weeks ago and have added it to Wyatt's part on the magnet board. I don't feel like I came across this quote by accident. This is something that I'm going to have to figure out the rest of my life as my arms and heart ache for Wyatt. I've had the mindset of just enduring the rest of my life but I know that is not right...I've got to learn to enjoy it. Some days that is not possible as the grief hits and things continue to not go the way I would like but I know I will learn how to laugh more and enjoy things more. I'm finding more and more days where I'm enjoying those things I loved before Wyatt died. Enjoying the simple things of life.....just like flowers. They truly can feed the soul if you will let them.

2 years ago today...

Seriously, I can't believe it was 2 years ago today that we had Wyatt's funeral. It doesn't seem like it could possibly be 2 years ago when it seems like yesterday that it happened.

I remember feeling such an enormous amount of peace and comfort that day. The spirit was so very strong. The talks and music were amazing. It was such a beautiful spring day with all the blossoms out...just like today. I felt such a strength that day. I guess I figured it would continue with me. I was so naive. After life continues on for everyone else that's when the hard journey of grief started for me. I look back on those weeks after the funeral and see how far I have truly come. Those weeks and months were so unbelievably hard but I've come so far now. Though I have moments and sometime days or a week here and there when grief hits it's nothing like at the beginning where it was constantly there with very little breaks. I'm grateful for the progress I've made and continue to make. I'm so very grateful for the daily tender mercies that have come to me the past 2 years. In fact yesterday I had 2 different butterflies fly right in front of my car. So grateful for the "Wyatt moments" I continue to have.

The girls and I wore white for Wyatt's funeral to symbolize our belief that families are forever. That we are a celestial family. That life does continue on after death and that Wyatt is not far from us. He lives on and it's just a matter of many years and then we will be with him again. The being with him again is a comfort but the many years part is beyond hard. Especially when my arms and soul ache to hold him again. But I will continue on, knowing that each day is a little closer to the day he will be in my arms again.

So beyond grateful for the wonderful support we received from so many family and friends.

Kid dates...Tea party

Something that we have tried to do this year as a family is to schedule date nights with the kids. We have done this off and on in the past and have not been very consistent with it. So, I really wanted to recommit to it this year. I feel it's something worth prioritizing. I think the thing that has helped the most to keep us on track with this is, at the first of the month I actually write down a day for each kid on the calendar for their date night. If something comes up than we move the date to another day. So far it's worked and I think it's something they look forward to. I personally enjoy having that one on one time with each kid and I think they LOVE it as well.

The date night consists of doing something with either mom or dad that doesn't cost much money or no money at all. The kids get to choose who they want to have their date night with and what they want to do. I have given Emily a pedicure for one of her date nights. Derek has taken Tyler to the temple to do baptisms. Hayley has chosen to go to a park or have a picnic lunch at home. The possibilities are endless...playing tennis, golf, swimming, hiking, getting a redbox and having a little movie party, going on a walk or bike ride, at home spa, shopping etc. etc.


This month I talked Hayley into having a tea party for her date. Since I just got this new tea set I wanted to try it out. She agreed. The nice thing with Hayley is we can do her date during the day when the older kids are at school. We had our tea party yesterday. We set the table with the new dishes and teapot. Hayley got to choose the menu. Her favorites...mac and cheese, tomatoes and chocolate milk. Got to love that combination. :) She made sure her baby doll came along and set up a high chair for her.


During our little luncheon Hayley wanted to do our "conversation" questions that we do as a family at dinner time. She would pick the slip of paper out and we would each talk about the questions. She was shocked to hear that one of my first jobs was a bagger at a grocery store. That threw her for a loop. We had a nice little time together. We finished it off with some cookies and some reenactments of "Sound of Music"...singing and dancing with her telling me who I was either Wiesel(that is what she thinks Liesel's name is) or Gretel. She is on a big "Sound of Music" kick right now. Good thing we have the movie and soundtrack. :) It really only took 30 minutes out of my day to create a lasting memory. After that I went on with the daily tasks of laundry, cleaning, carpool, dinner etc. etc. When I look back on the day those 30 minutes were the most important minutes of the day.


I know I've got to cherish these moments with her because before I know it she will be at school all day and these moments will be gone. Grateful for the fun time we spent together.


I truly believe we have to make a conscious effort in those things we feel are important or else other things will take over. Life is beyond busy but I also think if we really work hard at trying to set aside some time for those things that have meaning and purpose then it will happen...I'm not saying it's easy but it is possible. I'm not saying I'm perfect on this either...just trying to do a little better.



The table setting. I will be doing a post on the Tulips...inspiration from a dear friend.

She dressed up in one of her favorite dresses.

Helping get the table set for the big event.

Her favorites...

And she just HAD to make a funny face.

Another favorite

Just because I wanted to do like 4 posts in one day I decided to add another favorite picture of Wyatt's angel day. Love the butterfly, my dad's hands that signify to me HARD WORK and Wyatt's picture and flowers in the background.

I won

I won this necklace from Sodderbug a couple of weeks ago. The idea room had sponsored this give away and I won. I was sooooo excited. I've wanted a necklace with Wyatt's picture in it along with my other kids since he died. When I saw this contest I had to enter hoping that some how I would win....when I did I was shocked. Amy from The idea room told me that if I hadn't of won she was going to give her free one to me...how sweet is that? Luckily we both got one. I've only won once before on a photography blog and I've entered lots and lots of contests. So I was beyond thrilled. I LOVE how it turned out. Go check out Sodderbug website...such darling ideas. Thanks Idea Room and Sodderbug. I feel so blessed to have this. I love that I will have a picture of all my kids to show people and that it will be close to my heart. LOVE IT!

The other side of the necklace.

A couple of other sweet gifts

My kindred spirit sent this to me to put on Wyatt's grave. I LOVE it! Her little Luke had a stuffed lion in his crib while at Primary Children's hospital. It signified courage...which their little boy showed so much of. We often talk about how our boys must know each other and maybe they had something to do with us getting together. I love this lion hugging a butterfly...it brings tears to my eyes. Can't wait for the day when my kindred spirit and I get to hold our little boys again and watch each other as we get to raise them. It will be a wonderful day. So glad to have a part of Luke at Wyatt's grave. Thank you Jen!
This is the BEAUTIFUL butterfly that Kamber's grandma sent me. I can't wait to see it on Wyatt's tree next Christmas. I LOVE all the sparkly blue jewels...it's perfect. Thank you again Teri...it will always be cherished.

Some darling earrings from Michelle who sent me the beautiful crystal butterfly at Christmas time for Wyatt's tree. Thank you Michelle for such a thoughtful gift. I'm still amazed at the kindnesses shown to me from people I've never even met. I hope someday to meet these people so I can thank them in person. I'm excited to have some butterfly earrings to wear. Oh so fun!

My brother and sister-in-law gave us this DARLING book. I love reading it to Hayley. Afterwards we dream of the babies she will have and will take care of someday. Then she always tells me "I will even let you tend them mom." I look forward to that! This book makes me so grateful that I'm a mother to Tyler, Emily, Hayley and to Wyatt.

Ice Skating

This was the fun activity we did as a family on Wyatt's angel day. The kids had so much fun and by the end they were great little skaters. Tyler was the fastest in the family which he was very proud of. He had been practicing with his roller blades for days. We had a really enjoyable time together.

I continue to think about how things would be if we had a 2 year old around. Especially when we go to a public place and there are lots of 2 year olds there. It's hard not to envy and wonder how different our lives would be if Wyatt were still here. Oh, how I would love to have that challenge.