No Empty Chairs: "Wishes"

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

"Wishes"

Today has been an especially hard day--actually the last few have been. I have added a bunch to my tear soup. I guess I had a weeks worth of tears to add to my pot. We are back home not at the condo now and I'm struggling. I miss Wyatt so much I can't even describe it. I just wish I could have my life back like it was a few months ago. I wish I had my Wyatt back. I wish I could hear him cry again. I wish I could hold his hand. I wish I kiss his little cheeks. I wish I could make him laugh. I wish, I wish, I wish...... I could go on and on with all the wishes I wished but that's when I realize that those wishes will not come true in this life. That's when I take hold of my sweet Emily's hand and hold it extra tight. That's when I kiss Hayley's little cheeks and hug Tyler just a little bit harder and longer. And then I get on my knees and thank my Heavenly Father for my sweet husband and kids and for the chance I had to enjoy Wyatt for the few months I did.

10 comments:

Robyn said...: Andrea,
I love the sweet pictures you have of Wyatt. I am so sorry for your pain. I wish grief wasn't so hard. I wish I lived close to you. I wish I could give you a hug. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain! I am so thankful for a wonderful friend who is willing to share her testimony so that mine can be strengthened. You are so amazing! Thank you for blessing my life.; June 10, 2008 at 9:22 PM
Dottie Stay said...: I wish with all my heart that I could make your pain and sorrow go away. You are so strong, and your testimony is inspiring. i find myself thinking about you all the time. I want to send you all the good vibes that you need. i wish I could say the exact thing to make you feel better. Know that I love you, and I am ALWAYS thinking of you and your family.; June 11, 2008 at 11:25 AM
Jill said...: I wish all your wishes with you! I also wish you could realize how much you and your family are loved and thought of. I was with Jake this last week and thought of Wyatt pretty much every day we spent with him. I got teary a few times thinking of him. Such a precious age. What a blessing to have been able to see his little personality begin to show. We love you Andrea! Keep adding to your tear soup. I join in often.; June 11, 2008 at 3:25 PM
JJ said...: Andrea you are amazing. I love being able to read about how you feel and how strong your testimony is! I wish I could give you a huge hug! You are so strong and really help me understand what life is about. The pictures of Wyatt are so adorable. We are by your side and we love you!; June 11, 2008 at 4:39 PM
Neener said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; June 11, 2008 at 4:47 PM
Neener said...: I have been thinking about you today. Our Aunt Linda is visiting in Alberta today and it reminded me of you. I wish I could meet you and give you a big hug and let you know everything is going to be alright.....but you and I know it is just going to be different without them. I love what you wrote about your other children, I have studied their faces deeply just to see my son's image in their countanance. They all look the same and it helps me feel my son a little closer. I wish you all the comfort you need today. We don't live for the day, we live for the moments.; June 11, 2008 at 4:52 PM
Jen said...: Andrea, hang in there. You obviously have many people who love and care about you and your family. And you know, I add to your and my tear soup often. It helps to know someone else is making the soup with you.
Love,
Jen; June 11, 2008 at 7:03 PM
drans007 said...: Please know I am always here to talk to or cry with. I love you and your family and I thank my Heavenly Father daily for you and ask him to bless and watch over your family and give you the peace you deserve.; June 11, 2008 at 9:21 PM
Leanne said...: thanks for inviting me to your post. When I read the part about you seeing mothers and their babies in the swimming pool, and then you saw a butterfly, I cried, how comforting and amazing that is!! I will always have a Wyatt moment when I see a butterfly.; June 14, 2008 at 4:51 PM
Felipe and Erika said...: Oh, Andrea I wish I could make your wishes come true. Each time I read your blog a lump forms in my throat and tears fill me eyes. I look at your family picture, listen to that sweet song and see Wyatt on your lap and my heart aches for you. I love how you mentioned that you hold Emily's hand a little longer, kiss Hayley's cheeks more often and hug Tyler tighter. Those statements really impacted me. Andrea you are truly touching my life by your faith and insight. I love you and pray for your heart daily and can't wait to see you tomorrow:); June 15, 2008 at 11:47 PM

Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, "For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand." (D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord."
Russell M. Nelson

President John Taylor once said: "that the best explanation he could offer why so many little children among the Saints were called away, notwithstanding the great faith and power of the priesthood exercised to keep them here, was that they were bright and noble spirits who held important positions in the kingdom of God in the spirit world, from which they could not long be spared., They were given brief furloughs, long enough to come to earth, take upon themselves bodies of flesh and bone that they might be prepared for a resurrection to a kingdom of glory; and after a short experience in mortality were called back to resume important labors in a higher sphere."

Joseph F. Smith said:
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ' You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volume of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Orson F. Whitney said:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering , toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and mother in heaven. "

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

"Wishes"

10 comments:

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