No Empty Chairs: "Happy Father's Day"

Saturday, June 14, 2008

"Happy Father's Day"

To my sweet husband the most amazing father in the world:

Oh, how Wyatt loved his dad. Derek spent a lot of time with Wyatt. One reason was he was at home a lot because work was very slow. Another reason is he knew this would be his last time to enjoy his own little baby in our home. He spent most nights holding Wyatt either while he watched TV or while he was playing the Wii. Wyatt loved to be in his dad's arms while playing the Wii. Derek was always so willing to change a diaper or walk with Wyatt while he was fussy. He would rub his feet and make him smile and laugh. It's been hard for me to see Dad's with their little babies playing and enjoying them knowing that my husband wasn't going to get to do that with his baby anymore. Derek has been the strength and comfort for our family the past few months. He has been the steady one and has tried making our lives that much better during such a difficult time. How grateful I am that I have such a wonderful husband and that he is such a wonderful father to all of his children. Tyler, Emily, Hayley and Wyatt are the luckiest children in the world. Happy Father's Day Derek! We love you!

e love you Dad!!

Emily's baptism and Wyatt's blessing day.

3 comments:

Jenna said...: I saw your comment on Michelle's blog so I found yours. I am so sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart that you are hurting so bad. My cousin lost her baby girl in October. She suddenly died from what they thought was SIDS but after she passed found a major heart defect. I too have felt at times I don't want to bring it up for fear of hurting her. She married my cousin after his mission to the Phillipines, and brought her her to the US. She has no family here, her parents couldn't even come to the funeral. They are too poor to leave. I feel so bad she didn't even have her mom here. It was her fourth baby and her family hasn't ever seen any of her kids. I feel so grateful to read blogs such as yours and Michelle's, because I really want to help her but I don't know quite how. I will be praying for your family. It seems so many are dealing with loss right now. May you feel some peace in time, and I hope you feel the unending love that the Saviour has for you and your family. Your kids are adorable, and Wyatt was so handsome....I love his smile!! I look up to your strength and courage.
Sincerely, Jenna Lines Jennalines@gmail.com; June 15, 2008 at 3:46 PM
Neener said...: What a beautiful blog today, I love the photos of Wyatt and his daddy.... thanks for sharing them with us on this day .. that is a hard days for daddy's that lost their babies. Sending lots of love to you.; June 15, 2008 at 9:53 PM
Jill said...: Love the pics of Derek and the kids. He is a pretty great dad. I'm glad he got to spend so much time with Wyatt. Sweet! I'll see you later today! :); June 16, 2008 at 10:36 AM

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Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Saturday, June 14, 2008

"Happy Father's Day"

3 comments:

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