No Empty Chairs: Maui

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Maui

Derek and I got back yesterday from our week in Maui. It was wonderful, amazing and something we needed more than I thought. We had a lot of fun together. I've added some of the many pictures we took during our week. I'm so grateful for Derek and for our marriage. I'm also so grateful for the beauties of this earth. Grief can do weird things to you. I feel like I've been living in a fog since Wyatt died. Things don't give me the joy and pleasure like they use to do. I'm sure that will return as time goes on(at least I hope). I was able to have some moments in Maui when the beauties around me brought a little of that back and of course spending one on one time with my sweet heart was amazing. I'm grateful for any little glimpses of joy that come into my life. I also had many "Wyatt moments" with butterflies and rainbows. I've added one of my favorite songs "For the beauty of the earth." Maui truly is paradise and I'm so grateful for the beautiful earth we get to enjoy. I wondered at times if some of the beautiful things we were able to see and experience is a little bit of what Wyatt is enjoying right now....a little bit of heaven.

7 comments:

Robyn said...: Andrea-
It looks like you had a wonderful time-your pictures are amazing! I am so happy for you-I hope it helped with a little healing. You did such a good job with the slide show and of course you picked the perfect song to go with it! I can't wait to talk to you and hear all about it. I love you!; October 12, 2008 at 11:02 PM
Gillian said...: Loved this--perfectly said. I am glad you had some special Wyatt moments, can't wait to hear about them. The pictures are amazing, and you are beautiful. I'm so glad you had this special time with your husband in paradise. You are so right--there are places here on earth that must be so much like heaven.; October 12, 2008 at 11:07 PM
Jill said...: Love the pictures! You guys look so happy! Can you imagine the beauty Wyatt is experiencing?! I'm betting he was glad to see you two enjoying time together and so happy. I love hawaii!; October 13, 2008 at 9:50 AM
Natalie said...: I didn't think I could miss Maui more but I am. I loved looking at your pictures. I'm glad you and Derek had a great time and I'm sorry for the greif that immediately followed on your return. I'm sure that Heaven has to have part of Hawaii in it, at least I hope. I'm glad you still had special Wyatt moments. My prayers and love are with you. Thanks for getting that Shoyu sauce. I hate airports!; October 13, 2008 at 11:29 AM
carolyn q said...: It sounds like your trip was very much needed and I am glad your were able to see the beauty in all that you could.
I know there were times that what I was feeling with Hope's passing was not the same as what Scott was but I was so grateful that he would put his arm around me and just hold me and let me cry...and then there were times I would hold him and let him cry. I can't imagine going through this with someone else.
I love the song!; October 13, 2008 at 1:46 PM
Linda Pickles said...: Your pictures are beautiful--I love Maui, too. It is my favorite island. So glad you had a chance to get away and enjoy paradise together. It was good to see you smile again.
Thanks again for doing your blog. You always pick such beautiful music, and it always starts my day in an uplifting way, and keeps me connected with you! I love you!; October 14, 2008 at 8:10 AM
Neener said...: Loved your beautiful blog today, the music was perfect with your photos. You did a great job putting them together and I am so glad you both had that wonderful time together... it helps the healing a little bit I think. Jeff and I are getting ready to go away again at the end of November, we have decided it is our time together and we couldn't agree more with you about the beauties of this earth... I love Hawaii so much because of the rainbows... I would seriously move back there again.. . Sending you lots of love from cold Canada and saying thanks for being you. Have a great day.; October 14, 2008 at 9:13 AM

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Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Maui

7 comments:

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