No Empty Chairs: 4th of July Pictures

Monday, July 6, 2009

4th of July Pictures

Every year I try and take a kids picture on the 4th. It's been kind of a tradition since Tyler was a baby. I have to admit now it's heartbreaking to me to take these pictures when Wyatt isn't or hasn't ever been a part of them. It's just hard. Again the lost dreams. I feel like a broken record saying the same stuff over and over again but that's how I feel and I'm not sure that it will ever change. I love him too much.

We spent the day with my parents who came down for the weekend. We relaxed, swam and went and saw the fireworks. It was a nice day. I'm so grateful for the wonderful country we live in and feel so blessed to have the freedoms that we enjoy. God bless America!

Hayley can be such a ham sometimes. It's hard not to take a million pictures of her when she lets me.

8 comments:

Eileen said...: Lovely photos!

It's OK to be a broken record. Please don't ever hide or smother your thoughts and feelings. It's not healthy.

You are loved!; July 6, 2009 at 5:22 PM
Anaise said...: Hi--I was messing around, exploring links on a friend's blog when I read this.

I lost my little 2 year old daughter nearly a year ago (We were preparing to adopt her--she'd been ours since day 5 of her life--when the court about-faced and returned her to her birthmom). I haven't been able to make myself get a new family portrait because every picture without her hurts my heart.

And I feel like a broken record if I talk about her, too. It does hurt--it is real--I'm sorry.

Your children are lovely.; July 7, 2009 at 6:46 AM
momof72nheaven said...: What a beautiful family. You are braver than me, I have not attempted the family picture yet. Is is really my family?

Thinking of you,
Kendalee; July 7, 2009 at 9:19 AM
Natalie said...: Such cute kids! I love Emily and hayley's matching outfits. So cute!; July 7, 2009 at 11:34 AM
Bartel's said...: What a beautiful family.
My son came across the biggest butterfly last week. (bigger than his hands) I couldn't help but think of you. I will post about it later in the week. Hope you are doing well.
~Kristi; July 8, 2009 at 9:05 AM
drans007 said...: i've seen hailey's exact expressions on jens. i take lots of picture too. you pictures really capture the fun swimming and celebrating.; July 8, 2009 at 11:54 PM
Kimberly Carolan said...: It is so great that you are blogging about your family and your one that is not. It's totally okay to keep on telling the story--others who have lost a loved one (like me) need to know that they aren't alone.

My best,

Kim Carolan
http://walkingthroughthevalleyoftheshadow.blogspot.com; July 9, 2009 at 3:21 PM
Bridget said...: I am so happy that you have a family photo with Wyatt. I just love the ones out of that photo shoot. I'm so sorry you don't have him in a 4th of July photo.

It also pains me to be missing Evan out of our photos. That and he died just a few weeks before we were to have another family photo taken. We were just waiting for his sister to arrive. She was born 6 days after Evan died. So, the only shot we have of him with the family is when he was 6 weeks old. Better than nothing, but painful none the less.; July 12, 2009 at 6:58 PM

Wyatt

Wyatt had a little cold the weekend before he passed away. We took him into the Dr's thinking he might have RSV at the worst. The Dr. admitted him to the hospital and they took a chest x-ray. That's when we found out he had an enlarged heart caused by a virus. There was no indication before this that he had any problems. He was healthy and happy. He needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. When they put the breathing tube in, Wyatt went into cardiac arrest. The CPR caused brain damage. He never woke up after that. They were able to stabalize him enough to make it to primary childrens. We had to take him off life support 3 days later. He left this earth peacefully in the arms of his parents. We know we will have our little boy again someday. What a glorious day that will be!

"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, "For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand." (D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord."
Russell M. Nelson

President John Taylor once said: "that the best explanation he could offer why so many little children among the Saints were called away, notwithstanding the great faith and power of the priesthood exercised to keep them here, was that they were bright and noble spirits who held important positions in the kingdom of God in the spirit world, from which they could not long be spared., They were given brief furloughs, long enough to come to earth, take upon themselves bodies of flesh and bone that they might be prepared for a resurrection to a kingdom of glory; and after a short experience in mortality were called back to resume important labors in a higher sphere."

Joseph F. Smith said:
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ' You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volume of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."

Michelle's list(Angel James' mom)

When Someone you Love is Bereaved

I know a lot of people just "don't know what to say/do" so they don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this list can help you help the ones you love in their journey of Grief.

1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.

2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.

3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.

4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place." Really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good.

5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm So sorry you have to go through this."

6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.

7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.

8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.

9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy worked great for me! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.

10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.

11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice." and burden everyone with their grief.

12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.

13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.

14. The comment "but aren't you grateful you know you see them again" isn't comforting. It is not a fix all. It is comforting, but it doesn't take the pain out of not having them now.

15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.

Why?

Joseph Smith said:
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

Orson F. Whitney said:
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering , toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and mother in heaven. "

Monday, July 6, 2009

4th of July Pictures

8 comments:

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