Halloween 2010

2 weeks late but at least I got this posted before Thanksgiving. :) Halloween this year seemed extra busy. Besides dressing up for the big day the kids had to dress up for many other activities throughout the week. i.e. dance, violin, daddy daughter date, school parade and class parties. I think the kids had a fun week. We had our annual neighborhood party which was a lot of fun. The girls enjoyed trick or treating while Ty hung out with his friends. The Halloween fairy came to our house and brought a couple of fun presents for the girls. A lip gloss kit for Hayley and Emily got a dress for her dog.
As always we missed our little Wyatt and wondered what he would have been dressed up as this year. I had a sweet friend ask me what I thought he would be. What a tender mercy for me to have her remember him and to have her wonder the same thing I had been wondering all week long. I hugged her and thanked her for remembering him and then shed a few tears. She really wanted to know what he would have been so I thought for a minute and decided he probably would have been a cowboy because most likely his nick name of "Rope" would still be in affect if D had anything to do with it.
I had some hard moments that I wasn't prepared for this Halloween. Life has been so busy that I haven't had the time to get some of those emotions out. So, it hit me when I wasn't expecting or prepared for it. It's the moments when the reality of his absence would hit me and I had to hold back tears until I could get home. I continue to ache for him and miss him and I don't ever see that changing. I was going through the closet and came across his costume. The one and only costume he ever got to wear. Our little peacock. I smelled it hoping some how his scent was still there but it wasn't. Yet another reality of his absence and how much we miss our little Wyatt.



Em has changed so much since this picture. It makes me realize how much time has gone by since our little Wyatt was in our arms. It's weird to think that much time has gone by and our hearts continue to ache for him. Though we have learned to live again we continue to miss him and will do so our entire lives.

Em was Cleopatra this year.

Hay decided to be two things this year since she had so many things to dress up for. She was the Halloween fairy for the 1st few activites and then she decided to turn into a princess for the last few activites.

Macie May was a pumpkin. Which the girls loved dressing her up..poor dog has had to wear diapers, drink bottles, wear all sorts of outfits and be a pumpkin for Halloween. Luckily she is a good natured dog and puts up will all that the girls do to her.

Some how Ty got away from getting any individual pictures taken of him. He was a pirate this year.

The school parade.

Hay with her friend before dance.

Em at her violin concert.

D and Em had a daddy daughter date for activity days.

Our little princess.

D and I dressed up as Insulation workers for our couples party this year. D had made up some work shirts for his workers to wear so we decided to use a couple and be insulation workers. We debated about driving to the party in his insulation truck but ended up not putting forth the effort to do that. Not the most creative costume but it was cheap and easy.
This is what is consuming my week this week. At the last minute I decided to put on a birthday party for Hay. This is the invite we handed out. More pictures to come.

The ninja mouse

It's been crazy around here. This past week we have had a mouse in our house and we can't get rid of it. I have a certain fear(panic) with mice...got it from my mom. So, having this one around has put me on the edge all week long. Everything and anything scares me. We have had 14 traps(3 different kinds) set at times and still no mouse. It just takes the bait off the traps and doesn't get caught. It completely avoids the sticky traps all together. We have literally torn our house apart looking for a possible hiding place and haven't found it. We have now put out D-Con hoping to poison it.

Tyler has nicknamed it the Ninja mouse. It is definitely smart and that really puts me on edge even more. The first morning after discovering that we had this little critter in our house it ran right at me. I don't think I have screamed that loud in my entire life. I was shaking and literally sick to my stomach. Needless to say it's been a difficult week for me and I'm hoping that this ninja mouse will be caught soon or else I may need to move. I just want to feel safe in my house again....sigh.

Complete

You know that feeling as a mother when you go somewhere and feel like someone is missing? Well, I feel that feeling ALL the time. It's a feeling that will not go away for me. Because in reality there is someone missing...Wyatt. I remember so clearly when it wasn't like that. When we felt complete.

Last week we were able to go to our old ward we lived in before moving to our current location. It was fast and testimony meeting and an old friend of mine got up and talked about how complete their family felt having their last child number 12 come to their family. I instantly related to that statement because I felt the same way when Wyatt was born. I felt it for those 5 1/2 months that he was with us. There was a COMPLETENESS that we all felt. It was amazing and wonderful. A time I will never forget. D and I have talked about this many times. It truly was heaven on earth. Now, today I long for that complete feeling again. I long for the day when the feeling of someone always missing will be replaced with that wonderful feeling of completeness. Right now that seems like forever but I have hope for that wonderful day when Wyatt is in our arms again and the void that is in our life is gone and we feel complete again.

5k run

A couple of weekends ago Tyler and I ran in the save a sister 5k race. Tyler did AMAZING. I was so proud of him. This year the course was changed to a different location than last year and it was a waaaay harder course with lots of hills. Tyler's goal was to beat his time from last year. I really didn't think it would be possible with the many hills that we had to climb but he did it. I was amazed and so very proud. He took first place in his age division and 3rd place overall in the men's division. Awesome job Tyler.

I thought my number was interesting. This happens to me quite often so I wasn't too surprised but still out of all the numbers that were handed out I would get 3(march) 13(th) the day our sweet little boy left this earth. I thought of him as I always do. Nothing ever changes with that. He will always be on my mind for the rest of my life.

Way to go Tyler!

Parades

I'm hoping to get caught up so I can post our Halloween pictures. But first we have been to soooo many parades this fall. I had no idea how many parades we had in our city. Ty is part of the marching band for his school so he was required to go to ALL of them. So that meant we got to go to them as well. Also, the girls got to be in the Dixie Round-up parade for dance. They got to ride their bikes down the parade route. It was over 100 degrees at the time. A VERY hot day. I was worried Hayley wouldn't make it with her little bike down the entire parade route but she did it. D and I sat and watched as all of our kids were in the parade. Those are the moments when reality continues to hit and it's hard. It shouldn't be that way. We should have a 3 year old with us. Ty got to play the drums in all of the parades. He did a great job and it was fun to watch him.

Hay with her bike.

Beach

I'm going to try and do some catching up from the past couple of months. Here are some of the many, many pictures I took at the beach for Wyatt's birthday. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE the beach??? Well, I love it!!! If I had the choice to go anywhere in the world it would be to a beach. I love everything about it. There is also great symbolism for me in the waves. I've talked many times about that symbolism with grief and the journey I've been on that past 2 1/2 years but it's also a place where I think of Wyatt.

We went to the beach when I was pregnant with Wyatt. We also went to the beach as a family a week after Wyatt's funeral. And we've been back a couple of other times since then. I feel that time spent at the beach rejuvenates me and helps me along the journey of life. I love the feel of the sand on my feet, the smells, sounds, sun, sunsets, different colors of the water, the calming affect I feel from listening to the waves. I could go on and on...I love pretty much everything about it. Hence the million pictures I took.

I dream of the day when we get to raise Wyatt and take him to the beach. To watch him run from the waves, build a sand castle and knock it down while laughing, and taking a nap next to his daddy. I can't wait for those dreams to become a reality because I do believe they will become a reality someday and they will be some of the most wonderful days of our existence.

Throughout our trip for Wyatt's birthday I felt a reassurance that what we were doing was pleasing to him. I guess I needed that reassurance. A week before leaving I thought I was making a big mistake but while watching the kids enjoy themselves at Disneyland, the beach, the balloon release, at the pool and out for Cheesecake for Wyatt's birthday cake I knew he was happy that his family was having such a good time together. Those memories are something I think we will never forget. I also loved that Wyatt was the main focus of everything we were doing. His name was mentioned over and over again...like he was right there with us(which I believe he was). It did my aching heart good. I felt like he was proud of his little family and the progress we continue to make. I could imagine his smiling face as he watched his family laugh and enjoy each other and celebrate his life. It was definitely a week we will never forget.

We love you Wyatt!!



Emily's sand castle


Hayley enjoying the last of the sunset.

Hayley snuggled up to her dad taking a nap. The beach can be so tiring. Especially when you don't stop running for hours and hours. :)




Hayley's sand castle



Tyler built this sand/city for Wyatt. Every time we go to the beach Tyler builds a sand city. This year he did it in memory of his little brother. It was his birthday gift to him. He worked for hours on it. Oh, how he would give anything in this world to have his little brother there with him building it. Sometimes reality is hard to accept. My heart aches for my sweet Tyler and for the HUGE, HUGE, loss he has had to face at such a young age. I still to this day can not talk about it without crying. It breaks my heart about as much as anything else. Tyler prayed so hard to have a little brother and then to have him taken so soon when he didn't get to do all those things he dreamed of doing is heart wrenching. I hope in some way it will be made up to him someday. And, yes I'm crying right now as I type about it. I don't know if there will ever come a day when I won't cry about this tender subject.





Tyler spent hours skim boarding. Hayley and Emily tried it out but never really got the hang of it...it's harder than it looks.



Hayley LOVED chasing the seagulls which were everywhere so she spent A LOT of time running around, chasing and making a bird noises to scare them off.


I love seeing the joy in their faces as they play at the beach.





I'm so glad my kids and husband love the beach as much as I do.
Emily dancing as the sun sets...love it! Can life get any better?