Hair

I enjoy doing girls hair. But most often than not I don't have the time or I don't take the time to try new cute hair do's on Hayley and Emily. Most days it's a pony tail. Well, yesterday I didn't have anything going in the morning which hasn't happened in a long time so Hayley and I decided to find a fun new hair style to do. I love all the blogs devoted to hair. This is the one we saw and decided on. It really wasn't that hard. Whenever I do Hayley's hair I let her watch TV or play on the computer, that way she will hold still for me. After we got her hair done we decided to take some pictures next to my favorite bush. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. I'm enjoying these moments I have with her before she starts kindergarten next year. I love taking pictures so I've posted a few here...mainly for her grandparents to see and to document her at this stage in life. She has learned to be such the poser. All I have to do is take the picture.

She had to do some Yoga poses for me. We had gone up to Snow Canyon the night before for family night and hiked to the top of one of the mountains. When we got up to the top where we could look over beautiful Snow Canyon we had a family challenge to see who could hold the tree pose the longest. So, I think that is where her desire to take pictures of yoga came from.

Upward dog?...I think

I love how long this bush blooms. I've been cutting off branches and bringing them into the house to enjoy. It has brought an abundance of joy.

Stake Triathlon

Derek and Tyler participated in our Stake's Triathlon on Saturday. They did quite good considering they didn't train at all for it. Actually, Tyler probably did with having to run the mile in PE and riding his bike to school everyday but Derek didn't lift a finger to train. This triathlon was very similar to the one Tyler did for his school except that the bike ride was longer. Tyler took 5th in the Young men's category and Derek took 7th place in the Men's division. Derek says he took 1st place in his division..I asked what division that was and he said the "off the couch division", which he was probably right. So, in his eyes he took first. Way to go honey! It was fun watching them compete together. Tyler's main goal was to beat his dad which he did. I'm proud of both of them. Here are a few pictures.

Some of the men and young men from our ward.

Swimming Part

Neck and neck. At this point they were both so tired. The swimming part was the hardest for both of them.


Derek putting on his Barbie helmet. They were required to have a bike helmet. Derek didn't have one so he had to use Emily's pink barbie one. He was stylin'.

Tyler Biking

Derek

Finishing the bike portion of the race.

Running part

Tyler finishing the race...so proud of him!

Derek running

Derek finishing the race. He did awesome!

Ty and Hay

We spent the rest of the day cleaning out our garage. I wish I would have taken a before and after picture. I LOVE it when something is all clean and organized. Especially when it wasn't at all before. I now love going into our nice clean garage.

So true...

Saw this quote and loved it. What a true, true statement. I as Wyatt's mother have felt this need since the day he died. I will always protect his memory...he will never be forgotten.

Chair

Before....

After.....

I love what white paint can do. I got this chair at DI a little while ago for 10 bucks. It was dirty and gross but I knew white paint and some new fabric would give it the makeover I wanted. I needed a chair for my laundry room where my sewing machine is. I've looked for a long time for a deal and was so happy when I saw this one. I really like how it turned out. I've got a couple of other fabrics that I'm debating on using for the pad but I think this one works best with the colors of my laundry room. I'm loving how my laundry room is turning out. I will post some pictures of it soon. I sure enjoy making something that is old new again.

The old door behind the chair is from Derek's grandma's house. We are going to make a headboard out of it for Emily's room. I can't wait to see how it turns out and I LOVE the fact that it came from his grandma's house. That just make it's even more neat and special.

Wyatt moment

Do I continue to tell about some of my Wyatt moments or not? I'm not sure the answer on that but since I'm going to make a book each year I want some of these moments in it. I haven't even come close to telling all the experiences I have had with butterflies on this blog. Some moments more profound than others. So, I will continue to share a few of them as they come. The reason being I want my kids if they read this someday to know that there IS a loving Heavenly Father that does watch out for us and gives us tender mercies if we watch and pray for them. So, because of that I'm going to share this Wyatt moment I had on Sunday.


Our weather this spring has been CRAZY. I've only seen a couple of butterflies and lately haven't seen any for weeks. I figured they had not made it through some of the cold weather we have had. I was telling Derek that Saturday night and he agreed that the weather was probably the reason for the lack of butterflies.


On Sunday I had to teach in young women's(12-13 year old girls) on the blessings of the temple. I had been worried all week about this lesson. How could I possibly make it through this lesson without totally bawling? The temple means soooo much to me. It has been one of the greatest blessings for me since Wyatt's death. The comfort and peace I've received there has been beyond helpful. But one of the main reasons I love the temple so much is because I have the assurance that Wyatt will be ours forever. That when Derek and I got married it was not just for time but for eternity and with that our children would be sealed to us forever. It gives me great hope. So, needless to say I was worried and nervous for this lesson because it is such a sensitive subject and so dear to my heart. I hate crying in front of these girls and I was worried that I might not make it through the lesson at all.


Well, I had made some chocolate covered strawberries for a handout to give the girls at the end of the lesson. So, I left church early to go home and get them out of the fridge. As I was walking to my car a big yellow butterfly turned the corner of the church and almost ran into me. I literally had to move so it didn't hit me....it was my Wyatt moment. I was not expecting this at all since it's been weeks since I had seen a butterfly. I knew at that moment that he was aware of me and the lesson that I was about to teach. I also felt like it was a gift from Heavenly Father as well. That he also is aware of me and what I'm going through. After seeing the butterfly the tears began to flow. I tried to hold them back but wasn't very successful. As I drove home another butterfly or the same butterfly flew along side and in front of my car. By then I was hoping the mascara was not running down my face.


Well, it ended up being a difficult lesson for me to teach and I choked up many times. At the end I couldn't hold back the tears any longer...just too sensitive of a subject. So, these poor girls got to see me loose it. With this knowledge comes the tears and there isn't much I can do about that. Many of these girls had held Wyatt and had enjoyed him. Needless to say I wasn't the only one crying. I hope that they felt something that day. If anything I hope they know the significance of the temple and what it means.


I truly feel one of the greatest blessings I have been given is to have a temple so close to me. I'm so grateful for that. When Wyatt died I knew I needed to spend as much time at the temple as I could. That the temple would help me feel the peace and comfort I needed to make it through the grief. I'm so grateful for that and how it has truly helped me the past 2 years.



I'm grateful for this Wyatt moment as well and how it came at a time I needed it most. I'm not sure why I continue to have these moments. I don't know the answer to that but I do know I try to be as aware of them as much as I possibly can be. I also pray for these tender mercies and hope that I will continue to have them the rest of my life. To know that Wyatt is aware of me and what I'm doing is priceless. Is there life after this one? Most definitely YES. I truly believe and will be shocked if this is not the case, that those we love that have passed to the other side are with us more than we can imagine. They are cheering us on and helping us as much as they can. For me, seeing that butterfly helped me know that, that was true. He along with Heavenly Father was aware of me at that very moment. I needed some love from my little boy. It was because of him that this lesson was such a tender one for me to teach and I think he was aware of that fact. So, somehow he brought a butterfly to me.

"I LOVE to see the temple."

On a side note: I knew as soon as I posted the "Healing" post that grief would hit me. Whenever I acknowledge the fact that I'm doing better grief usually lets me know that it's still there. It's not a shocker to me. So the past few days I've had more moments than usual of missing my little boy...not that I don't miss him everyday but some days it's more profound than others. I'm ok with that. I know I will make it through these moments because I've made it through so many before. So, with that said I need to post a few favorite pictures of my little guy. And add the words from a song by Hilary Weeks. If I could hold Wyatt at this moment in my arms and look into his big blue eyes this is one of the messages I would relay to him.... "I would remind you of FOREVER and how our love will NEVER change." And I think he would relay that same message back to me.

Love you Wyatt!!

He LOVED chewing on his thumb.

Healing

I absolutely love this bush. It signifies to me many things...one of which is healing.

Derek and I picked this bush out when I was pregnant with Wyatt. I remember the day very well. I was sooooo nauseated and was trying not to throw up while walking around the garden center. We needed to pick out some bushes for our yard and it had to be done that day. I remember seeing these beautiful flowers and decided I wanted this bush to enjoy each spring. We ended up getting two of them and buying a metal arch for them to grow over. I was so excited to see what it would look like the next year.

Well, little did I know a year later I would be in the depths of grief just trying to survive day by day. That the baby that I was carrying that day would be gone from my arms. I remember very clearly looking at these beautiful flowers a few weeks after Wyatt's death and remember feeling nothing. Grief can do that to you. It's hard to describe but it was almost like living in a fog and nothing brought joy. I remember wondering if I would ever think those flowers would be pretty again...I wondered if I would feel joy ever again looking at those things I enjoyed before Wyatt died. I remember seeing sunsets and wondering if they would ever be pretty to me again. Nothing seemed enjoyable. I remember asking my heart group if I would ever enjoy these things again and one of the ladies that was further down the road of grief told me I would. I didn't believe it. I had a huge void in my life and everything just seemed so trivial. I really worried that this is how the rest of my life would be. How could I ever be happy or find joy again without Wyatt physically with me?

Well, I have to testify that it is possible. It's taken 2 long years but I feel moments of joy again. I can look at these beautiful flowers and get excited at their beauty. So, for those out there that may be in the depths of grief there is hope. Hope that it does get a little better. That life can be good again. Though my arms continue to ache and I continue to have hard moments when that grief hits me, I feel like I'm finally at a point where I can enjoy things again. Wyatt will never be forgotten. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about him countless times. I ache for him and I cry for him but I'm also learning how to live again. I'm learning that there can be joy again and that, that joy can be greater than it was before. Like I've said many times once you've been through the bitter the sweet seems even better. These flowers signify to me that there is sweetness in life and that those simple things in life can bring joy to us if we allow them to. So when I see these flowers I see healing...something I wondered would ever happen.

With that said I know I will continue to have moments, days, weeks and maybe months where the grief will hit. That is what grief is all about. It's hard! I wish I didn't know about this. I wish Wyatt was still in my arms to hold and love. But I do know that someday he will be. I think one of the things I miss the most is not being able to nurse him. That was our time together...our one on one time and I ache for that again. Not sure how things will be in the Millennium but I do believe I will be compensated for those things that have been taken from me. Until then I'm trying my best to live the life I need to live. To try and find joy in living and do the best I can each day. Here are a few pictures I took this week of my favorite bush.

Flowers not quite out yet.

I just needed to throw in a picture of this cute kid. Many people would mistake him for a girl. I think because he was just so dang cute. Love you Wyatt...miss you more than anything in this world!