Balloon release in England

I joined a group on facebook called "Life after Loss". It's for those that have lost a child. I haven't done much with this group but got an e-mail a couple of months ago about a balloon release they were doing. I think it took place around the time of Wyatt's birthday. I decided to fill out the form and have a balloon released in honor of Wyatt. I had no idea that they would actually send me pictures of the release. I also didn't realize that they would be releasing the balloons in England next to a castle(how cool is that?) Well the sweet people that do this release sent me pictures. Along with each balloon was a message attached. I figured they would just print them up on the computer once they received each message. Well, no they hand printed each one. What a sacrifice. That touched my heart so much. I am totally amazed and overwhelmed with gratitude for such good and amazing people in this world. Here are the pictures they sent me. What a tender mercy. I was completely overwhelmed when I saw so many balloons. Oh, my heart aches to see so many balloons knowing that so many moms and dads and siblings are missing their little ones.

The message that was attached to Wyatt's balloon...oh, how sweet.

Hayley's birthday

I can't believe this baby is now...
a five year old. I truly can't believe she is 5 years old. Where has the time gone? She had a wonderful birthday with lots of fun presents. Since her birthday was on a Sunday this year she got to choose something fun to do as a family Saturday night. We do a friends party one year and the next year is a family party. This year was the family one and she decided to go to Fiesta Family Fun. Lots of fun games and lots of tickets won.

She wanted a butterfly cake this year. A tender mercy for me. It was not my idea at all. We looked through all the princess and castle cakes and she was set on a butterfly one so that is what we did. All in all it was a great day for her.

She is such a blessing in all of our lives. We feel so beyond blessed to have her. She has been there for me on countless occasions. She has helped me through some hard, hard times. I believe a part of her mission here on earth is to help heal her mom.

With her baby doll.

A butterfly necklace from Wyatt. She was excited to have one like Emily's and hopefully it will always remind her of her little brother and how he wants her to choose the right.
I have so many more things to blog about. Tyler ran a triathlon at his school, and we put up Wyatt's tree yesterday. I feel such love from that tree...overwhelming LOVE.

Photo shoot with Emily part 1

Emily has been wanting to do a photo shoot for a while now. We finally found some time to do it today. It was our mother daughter date for the month. So fun for me and I'm so glad she wanted to do it. She is so easy to take pictures of. Here are just a few of the many I took. I still have a bunch more to go through. I will most likely have a part 2. I love photography! It's so fun learning something new. I never thought I would feel a passion for anything else after Wyatt died but I've found something I truly love and enjoy. It was so fun to spend some time with my sweet Emily. Now I've got to convince Tyler to go with me on a photo shoot...can't believe he will be turning 13 in just a couple of weeks. I can't believe I will have an official teenager...CRAZY!

A Day at the Park

I took these pictures a month ago. I'm making a book for Hayley with some pictures of those things she loves. She LOVES to swing so we spent a morning at the park taking pictures of one of her joys. I am trying to cherish as many moments as possible this year before she goes to kindergarten next year. Can't believe she will be turning 5 in a week. Where has the time gone?

Sweet Assurance/I know/ Abundance

It's been a refreshing and refueling week. I got to go with my husband to Vegas for a day and 1/2 for some business. While he was at meetings I got to spend time doing whatever I wanted. To have some quiet time to reflect and think was priceless. To take time to ponder, plan and find ways to make improvements in my life was great and much needed.

I love the influence of music. I know how powerful it is and I love the influence it has on my life. I spent a lot of time listening to my Ipod, feeling, thinking and crying.

I also spent time doing things for myself that I usually don't have time to do. It was wonderful. I even got to spend some time shopping and just looking around. Which I haven't gotten to do for a while, at least without kids. Thanks to my parents for tending the kids so I could have this time. It was fun also to spend some time with my sweet husband talking and just enjoying each others company without the distraction of children. I feel it's important every once in a while to take some time for ourselves. It helps us become a better mother and wife and I also think it helps our marriages.

Once we got home I was blessed with yet some more refueling. I had the opportunity to go to "Time out" for women. My tank was filled to overflowing with great music and inspirational talks. The spirit was strong and I feel so blessed that I got to have this experience.

The theme of this conference was "sweet assurance" the certainty that comes when you know life's truths. We were asked many times what do you know? And I thought many times to myself..."What do I know?" Well, I know a lot of things but the thing that I know most of all and I think the thing that is most important is that I know Jesus Christ lives and through him I can find hope. Hope for help in this lifetime and hope for a day when I will hold Wyatt again. A day when I will do those many things that I long to do with him. And the sweet assurance that came to me was that when I do have that time with Wyatt again I won't have the worldly distractions to take me away from him. I'm hoping that there will not be dishes to do, the house to clean, meals to fix and laundry to fold. I will have more time to cherish each and every second with him as I get to watch him grow up. I believe those moments will be cherished even more than I could possibly have cherished them in this lifetime. It will be magnificent.

I also know that Jesus Christ is there for me now to help me through this lives journey without Wyatt. I know he understands my heart and is patient with me and the roller coaster of emotions I continue to go through. He does not judge me or tell me that I need to move on with life. Actually, I've received the sweet assurance that it's ok to continue to have those moments of grief and missing Wyatt. It's healthy and normal. He understands. I don't' feel pressure from him or from our loving Heavenly father that I need to "get over it" and not dwell on what is not in my life anymore. They understand...and most of all they understand me and my feelings. They then bless me daily with tender mercies. Mercies that help me know that I am loved and watched over. I know there is a loving Heavenly Father and an elder brother that loves me and loves every single person on this earth. This I KNOW!

I got an opportunity to do something I usually would never do. I tend to be shy. As you know I have talked about music a lot and the effect it has on me. There are so many songs that just speak to my heart. There is a particular artist that has some songs that are just so true...so true of grief and heartache that I can relate to them so well. I've listened to these songs many, many times. Well, at "Time Out" for women this artist was there and was completely amazing, funny yet incredibly spiritual. Her name is Hilary Weeks. She is wonderful!!

I felt like I needed to thank her for her music that has helped me on some of the hardest days of my life. So, I got the courage up and went up to her and thanked her. I told her how much her songs have touched my heart and helped me through the past year and 1/2 without Wyatt. She was so sweet and sincere and wanted to know about Wyatt and what had happened. I can't tell you how much that means to me when someone really and genuinely wants to know. She teared up and told me she could feel my strength and then gave me a hug and said you will make it. What an incredible women. I just feel so blessed for the abundance of spirit I've felt the past few days. I'm so grateful for the sweet assurances in my life that I know of so many wonderful truths of the gospel that helps me on my journey through this life. I feel abundantly blessed.

There was a speaker at this Time out for women that talked about abundance. While I was pregnant with Wyatt I stitched a pillow with this word and it's definition. I truly felt like we were abundantly blessed. 2 boys and 2 girls...Perfect!! But then when Wyatt died and we've continued to struggle financially I've not always felt abundantly blessed. I've felt like we have been abundantly blessed with trial after trail after trial. Well, yesterday one of the presenters talked about just this and how abundance can be in those simple things of life. It gave me a new prospective on the word and what I think it truly means. And I came to realize how truly abundantly blessed I am. I feel like the past few days I've been abundantly refueled...fullness to overflowing. So grateful for the abundance in my life and for those things that matter most. Grateful for all of those things I KNOW.

Halloween 2009

We had Miss America, a Gryffindor student from Harry Potter and a clown this year. If you notice in the picture there is a butterfly to represent Wyatt. Emily found this butterfly a week ago and brought it home. It was injured or something and didn't last long but for me it was a tender mercy to have a butterfly in our house. I kept it because who knows when I will see another one with winter coming around the corner. I look at it as a gift. I decided to put it in the picture at the last moment when my heart was breaking that Wyatt was not here. I wonder what he would have been this year...it's just hard.

We did have a good day as a family and enjoyed an amazing party in our neighborhood. We are so blessed to live in such a great place. The kids enjoyed trick or treating with their friends and then having the Halloween fairy come last night. Tyler decided to keep his candy but the girls were so excited to see what the fairy would bring this year. It turned out to be a little fur real pig and monkey. They love them.

It was a good Halloween all in all. I missed Wyatt like always but was able to have fun with the kids and our wonderful friends. I don't think the longing to have Wyatt in my life will ever change. It's something that will always be there until he is actually in my arms again. The wondering will always be there too. What would he be doing right now? What would he be like as a 2 year old? Questions I will not get answered in this life. I guess I have no choice except to wait to find those things out. Until then he will always be in my heart as well as in our families heart. We will continue to have our moments where our hearts seem to break all over again and again. We love and miss our Wyatt!!!