Approaching...

Wyatt's angel day is approaching in a couple of weeks. I truly can't believe it's almost been 2 years. I can't believe it's been that long since I held my little boy. It just makes my arms ache more than ever. I haven't really felt like expressing my feelings lately. I have been busy with life but that doesn't take away the fact that grief continues to hit for moments here and there. Not nearly as much as it use to do but it's still there. I think the fact that his angel day is approaching doesn't help either. Tonight I just ache for him...it's hard to even describe that ache but it's such a real tangible thing. Oh, what I would do to just hold him again. To have him grab onto my finger as I would feed him. To give him a bath and blow on his tummy and make him laugh. To put lotion on him and smell that sweet smell. Oh, I would give anything in this world to have him back into my arms. A day does not go by that I don't think about him and miss him. I don't think that will ever change. I love him too much.

I ordered caterpillars/butterflies to release on his angel day. They are now in their chrysalises and will be butterflies in a few days. I'm now hoping I can keep them alive for his angel day. I'm looking forward to having some real butterflies in my life again. It's been months since that.

I so wanted to leave town to just get away for his angel day. Maybe in a sense to just run away from the fact that it can't possibly be 2 years since he left us. How could that possibly be? The ache is still so there. But finances as they are we can't leave town so we will spend the day doing the things we did last year. Attending the temple, releasing butterflies and balloons and spending some time remembering our little boy and I'm sure shedding a few tears. We haven't watched the videos we have Wyatt...maybe we will be brave and get them out. I know it will not be easy but I do think it will help keep his memory alive. I'm afraid that memory is fading too quickly as time passes. Hopefully the videos will bring it back without too much pain. Spring break for us will never be the same. It always falls on the same week as two years ago when we thought we were going on vacation and ended up watching our baby take his last breath. Something I never thought I would have to witness.

I'm so grateful my brother thought to take these pictures and all the others of our last week with Wyatt. Though they are hard to see I'm so grateful I have them.

Live in the Moment

I LOVE this quote...

“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”

I love what this mother had to say. It's so true and for me sometimes such a hard thing to do. I like having things done, which is good but I need to make sure I'm taking those moments during the day to enjoy my kids and what they are doing or saying.

I saw this idea of putting the words onto a picture and framing it. I knew I needed to make one. I made this picture tonight and I'm going to frame it and put it on my nightstand to remind me each morning what's most important in life. "Live in the moment...treasure the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." A great reminder to start each day with. If you want to know how to make a picture like this click here. Yet another fun and crafty idea from another amazing blogger.

14 years

14 years ago today was the most important day of our lives. It's the day Derek and I got sealed in the Salt Lake temple for time and for all ETERNITY. Because of that most wonderful and amazing moment in our lives we have the certainty and knowledge that Wyatt will be ours forever. That Tyler, Emily and Hayley will be as well. I can't think of a greater blessing or gift than that. I feel so blessed to have the most amazing, compassionate and loving husband. He has been the rock and strength for me the past 2 years.

I have very vivid memories of 2 years ago on our Anniversary. Wyatt spent that day with us since he was still nursing. Those are some of the last sweet memories I have of our little boy. Little did I know just a couple weeks later Wyatt would not be in my arms anymore. I cherish those memories I had with him and look forward to the day when we will create many more with him. I knew how important that day was 14 years ago when we were sealed together forever but it sure hit home to me on March 13th when Wyatt passed to the other side. Happy Anniversary to my sweet heart. Thanks for 14 amazing years and I look forward to an ETERNITY more.

We are a Forever Family.

***I've added Derek and I's song to the blog..."Keeper of the Stars."

A couple of projects

One thing I LOVE is finding other peoples ideas and then incorporating it to fit my needs. I've found some really fun blogs that give such great ideas. I love anything to do with organization. I found this organization board on a blog called "The Idea Room." She has a lot of great ideas. I've really wanted to get a little bit more organized with the kids schedules so when I saw a board similar to this I wanted to make one. I'm so lucky to have an amazing husband that can build or make anything I want him to. When I drew out what I wanted I didn't have a space for Wyatt. I just didn't see the need for that since he doesn't have a schedule of events. When Derek saw the drawing he said that we needed to make a spot for Wyatt. He suggested that we put some sayings on his spot that will remind us of things we need to work on or do. It was so nice to have him suggest this. So nice to know I'm not the only one wanting to keep Wyatt a part of our family. I'm so grateful for the amazingly talented husband I have. He has a definite gift of creating and building. I've spent some time the past couple of months making a few projects from the different blogs I've found. When I get some time I will post pictures. I'm so glad I'm feeling a desire to do these things that I love again. I wondered at one time if that would ever return.

Our family theme for the year.

Another awesome blog that I LOVE is "Make it and Love It." She has soooo many wonderful and fun ideas with sewing. This is one of the first things I made, a sewing machine cover. So simple but so fun. I changed it up a bit and made it reversible.

We have done some painting in the house as well. One of the rooms is this laundry room. I will post some pictures soon but until then I'm sure LOVING the Olympics. :)

Apron and a couple of Christmas things

I received this DARLING apron in the mail from the amazing Summer Driggs. She makes all the fun scrapbook paper for free. She also is the one that dedicated the "Ring it in kit" to me and Wyatt. So, so sweet of her. Her mom passed away 3 years ago and when she read about Wyatt and the butterflies she sent me this apron. Her mom collected aprons which makes this apron that much more special. If you notice there are also butterflies on the darling fabric. I LOVE this apron. I think of Summer, her mom and Wyatt each time I put it on. Thank you Summer...what a tender mercy for me. Thank you for your generosity!

Wyatt's grave this past Christmas.

In November the cemetery took away everything that was on Wyatt's grave and threw it in the garbage a week before they said they would. I was not happy to say the least. I cried when I saw it. Many of the things on his grave were from friends and family and they meant so much to us. Also, I had some things on there that I had spent some money on that I wanted to have for a long time. We just can't afford to buy more stuff. I couldn't handle having his grave with nothing on it though. So, thanks to All a dollar we were able to go as a family for family night and pick out some stuff for his grave. We had the Christmas tree from last year but were able to get a few other things. I still can't believe the cemetery. We knew they would be clearing the graves but to do it a week before they posted it was not right. We tried to complain but weren't able to get a hold of the guy...I guess we weren't the only ones upset. Anyway, still can't believe I even have a purpose to write about this. Wish we didn't know what we know about the cemetery!

I want to quickly post about our experience with "The Forgotten Carols." Derek and I had the opportunity to go to the Forgotten Carols for the first time. We have listened to the music for years and LOVE it. So, this year when we heard it was coming to our town we decided to get tickets. I'm so glad we did. It was amazing! The best part for me though was at the end when Michael McLean came out and sang "Together Forever." I had no idea he did that. That song is the last song on Wyatt's video...it means so much to us. I was of course in tears thinking of Wyatt. Then Michael McLean started talking about those loved ones that have gone to the other side and he asked us to sing to them. The spirit was so strong. I sang to Wyatt and I'm sure Derek did too. I know Wyatt was there with us. I could feel his love. I look forward to the day when we will be Together Forever. It was such a neat and emotional experience. I'm so grateful for beautiful music and for those that have been gifted to create it for us to enjoy.

So grateful for yet another tender mercy in my life.